Uncanny Suicide Squad
by The Uncanny R-Man
Summary: Chapter 15: Killer Frost goes to see Elvis, while Ragdoll and Parademon play roulette.
1. We're All Gonna Die!

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 1: We're All Gonna Die!**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to DC._

* * *

**Author's Notes- **_Yes, that's right people, yet another spin-off from '_Uncanny JusticeLeague._' This time it's starring everybody's favourite villains (well, mine anyway). If you like this, don't forget to check out the original '_Uncanny Justice League'_, '_The Uncanny Superbuddies_' (which I co-write with L1701E) and '_Uncanny Wonder Woman_.'_

* * *

**The Tower-**

The Tower was London's very own metahuman containment facility. Ever since Justice League International had set up shop in England's capital city **(1)**, it was decided that London should follow in the footsteps of Metropolis and Central City and set up its own metahuman prison.

The decision to outfit one of London's most famous landmarks (London Tower) was a controversial one. The Tower used to house criminals awaiting execution in it's heyday, so why not now?

One such inmate was Floyd Lawton, also known as the world famous assassin Deadshot. He was waiting in one of the special rooms that were set aside for conjugal visits, where inmates' other halves could come to get intimate.

Lawton didn't even know why he was there. His wife had left him many years previous, and they hadn't kept in touch. Lawton even had a daughter that he never saw. But now wasn't the time to get maudlin, there was a pretty lady (he hoped) to see him.

And the pretty lady that wanted to see him wasn't just any pretty lady…

'Oh great.' Lawton groaned. 'It's you…'

'Is that any way to greet your fellow Fatal Fiver?' The French-Vietnamese assassin known as Cheshire asked with a smirk as a guard escorted her into the room.

'_Please_ tell me that this is some kind of joke…' Lawton continued. 'Cuz the idea of me and you even considering…'

'I have seen you looking at my breasts.' Cheshire said simply, crossing her arms.

'That just means that I'm a guy.' Lawton shrugged nonchalantly. 'Guys like the watching of the sports, the eating of the red meat and the ogling of the boobies.'

'You cannot tell me that you have not thought about having intercourse with me.' Cheshire smirked as she sat on the bed beside Lawton.

'Well, it's not _that_…' Lawton admitted. 'It's just… Why _me?_ I tried to get some sugar before, remember? You smashed me upside the head with a chair. **(2)** Surely there are more eligible guys.'

'If you mean our fellow Fatal Fivers, you are mistaken.' Cheshire snorted. 'Slade is too old, and I also heard that he likes younger women. _Much_ younger!'

'Yeah, I heard the stories.' Lawton shivered in disgust. 'Uch. That guy is such a sicko. Always messing around with the Teen Titans like that. Makes you feel ashamed to be called a bad guy.'

'And then there is Bane…' Cheshire continued. 'Have you heard what using steroids does to a man's genitals?'

'No.' Lawton shrugged. 'But I bet you're gonna tell me.'

Cheshire just waggled her little finger.

'Oh…' Lawton nodded in understanding. 'Is that true?'

'Surely you know better than I do.' Cheshire snickered. 'You have seen him in the showers, after all.'

'It's not like I looked at his… thing.' Lawton shrugged. 'That's just… gay.'

'Do you know what homophobia really say about you?' Cheshire teased.

Lawton just shot her a glare.

'You still haven't answered my question.'

Cheshire rolled her eyes at Lawton's insistence.

'Despite your apparent stupidity… and the fact that you annoy the Hell out of me, you are quite an attractive male.' Cheshire admitted. 'I would like very much to have sexual intercourse with you.'

'I see…' Lawton blinked. 'This isn't a sudden bout of insanity, is it?'

'No.' Cheshire shook her head. 'Perhaps this will convince you that I am being truthful…'

Cheshire stood up and quickly removed her prison uniform. Lawton's jaw went slack at the sight of the hot, naked Vietnamese woman standing in front of him.

'Oh my…'

'D'you like?' Cheshire asked as she gave Lawton a twirl. Lawton mentally thanked every deity that he could think of.

'Oh yeah.' Lawton grinned like the little boy who just received the bestest Christmas present ever. 'I _really_ like.'

'Good.' Cheshire smiled as she knelt on the bed and looked Lawton straight in the eye. 'You will enjoy this, I can promise you that.' Cheshire purred.

'Methinks I shall…'

* * *

**Later-**

'Wow. That was just… Wow.' Lawton blinked. 'You really _are_ the best at what you do.'

'Well, I try my best.' Cheshire shrugged modestly as she snuggled closer to Lawton's chest. 'You did quite well too.'

'But I get the impression that getting laid isn't all that you wanted…' Lawton deduced.

'A woman does have her needs.' Cheshire admitted. 'But that aside, I have been assigned to ask you to lead a new Suicide Squad.'

'Jeez, talk about getting straight to the point.' Lawton sighed. 'What does Waller, aka She Who Is Ridiculously Fat want now?'

'Amanda Waller is not behind the Suicide Squad now.' Cheshire explained. 'All shall be revealed…'

'It looks like everything already _has_ been revealed.' Lawton snickered.

'Do you mind?' Cheshire sighed. 'I am trying to be serious…'

'Sorry. Carry on.'

'All of your questions will be answered once you meet the rest of the squad.' Cheshire explained. 'That is… if you wish to lead us.'

'Hey, how can I say no?' Lawton grinned. 'You're the best saleswoman I've ever known.'

'Yes, I am.' Cheshire smiled self-assuredly. 'Aren't I?'

* * *

**The next day-**

Lawton was now dressed in his Deadshot gear and was walking arm-in-arm with Cheshire down one of the corridors that housed the Suicide Squad's new headquarters.

'Man, this place sure is spiffy,' Deadshot grinned as he looked about him. 'This place must've cost the government a bundle.'

'Who says that the US Government is in charge?' Cheshire asked.

'You mean that we're not working for the US Government?' Deadshot blinked. 'Just who the Hell are we working for?'

'All I know that the gentleman is a concerned citizen.' Cheshire shrugged. 'Other than that, I know as much as you.'

The pair walked into the briefing room and took a seat. Also sitting around the table was a collection of supervillains that had been recruited into joining the team. At the front of the room, right in front of a giant computer screen, was a guy with neatly cut short red-blonde hair. He was also wearing an expensive-looking grey business suit.

'Ah, Mr Lawton, Ms Nguyen.' The guy smiled. 'So pleased you could join us.'

'We got a little… held up.' Deadshot snickered.

Cheshire just shook her head and snuggled closer to her new boy toy.

'Yeah, I betcha did.' An Australian-accented voice snickered. A voice that Deadshot instantly recognised.

'Bite me, Digger.' Deadshot sneered.

'Let's not start off this new group on the wrong foot.' The blonde guy said calmly. 'My name is Godfrey. I will be your liaison. Now, if you will allow me to introduce you to the other members of the team, then I will begin…'

Godfrey began to walk around the table, introducing everybody as he went.

'I am sure that you all know Floyd Lawton and Jade Nguyen, the assassins Deadshot and Cheshire. Deadshot will be the leader of the Squad while Cheshire will be his second in command.'

'Talk about sleeping your way to the top.' A devilish-looking woman with black slicked-back hair whispered to an eerily pale woman dressed all in blue. The pale woman just snickered in reply.

'If I may continue, Scorch?' Godfrey asked in a deadpan voice. Scorch waved him on. 'Very well…'

Godfrey then moved on to a guy with reasonably short reddish-brown hair dressed in a blue suit that had a white boomerang motif.

'George 'Digger' Harkness.' Godfrey introduced. 'Antipodean master of the boomerang and amongst one of the most famous of the Flash's Rogues.'

Godfrey moved on to a guy clad in some kind of grey winged armour suit. The helmet that was resting on the table looked insectoid complete with multi-faceted red eyes.

'Garfield Lynns.' Godfrey explained. 'The infamous Gothamite arsonist Firefly.'

Next was a deathly pale woman with unusually blue hair. She had an aura that screamed psychotic Goth.

'Louise Lincoln. Frigid mistress of ice, Killer Frost.'

'I don't like the way you said, '_frigid_' there, Godfrey.' Killer Frost sneered, icing up her mug of coffee without so much as a thought.

'I meant no offence, I assure you.' Godfrey replied.

'You'd damn well _better_ not.' Killer Frost groused. 'Cuz I'd hate to _ice_ my boss before we even get started.'

'Quite.' Godfrey blinked as he moved on to a red-skinned woman with black hair that was slicked back onto her head. She also looked eerily like some kind of demon.

'This is Aubrey, she prefers to call herself Scorch due to her fire manipulation powers.' Godfrey explained.

Next was another deathly pale person, this time a guy. He had yellow eyes, messed up black hair and was wearing a uniform similar to Superman's except that the S on his chest shield was backwards and his costume was mostly purple instead of blue.

'The imperfect Superman clone only known as Bizarro.'

The clone jumped to his feet and punched the air.

'Bizarro am Number One!' He cheered.

'Yes, very nice, Bizarro.' Godfrey nodded. 'If you'd like to sit down so I can continue with the introductions?'

Bizarro obediently complied and sat back down as Godfrey moved on to the last person at the table: a statuesque blonde woman dressed only in a leopard skin bikini-type garment.

'This is Giganta.' Godfrey explained. 'Former associate of Gorilla Grodd.'

'I got fed up of people only seeing me as Grodd's lackey.' Giganta explained. 'So I decided to try going out on my own.'

'This chatting is nice and all…' Firefly piped up. 'But… When do we get to burn stuff?'

'Wasn't burning down that bloody fashion show enough?' **(3)** Digger groaned.

'Oh yeah, I heard about that.' Deadshot snickered. 'You were trying to win the heart of one of the Leaguers. Boy, did you get _that _wrong!'

Firefly just pouted.

'I know she loves me…' The pyromaniac groused.

'I'm glad that you asked that actually, Mr Lynns.' Godfrey smiled. 'As you know, the HIVE is more usually affiliated with the Teen Titans located in Jump City. The HIVE has been a thorn in my employer's hide for some time now. and it is your job to… liquidise them.'

'Sweet!' Killer Frost grinned. 'We finally get to _ice_ somebody!'

'Enough with the ice puns already.' Scorch groaned tiredly.

'Getting a little… _chilly_, Sparky?' Killer Frost teased.

Deadshot held up his hand for attention.

'The HIVE is a school for metahuman kids, right?' He remembered. 'We're not actually going to kill these kids, are we? Unlike Frosty the Ice Psycho over there, I do have _some_ morals. I don't kill kids.'

'The HIVE students are away on a field trip.' Godfrey explained. 'So you will not have to deal with them. You will however have to deal with numerous cybernetic sentries and the school's headmaster, Brother Blood.'

'Bizarro am bored.' The clone sighed. 'Bizarro smash now?'

'Of course you can, my friend.' Godfrey smiled. 'You may all leave now and… Godspeed.'

**TBC…**

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**Next: Taking on the HIVE**

_Exactly what it says on the tin, the Suicide Squad Vs the HIVE!_

**

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Notes-**

**(1)- **_Justice League International set up shop in London in '_The Uncanny Superbuddies_.'_

**(2)- **_Cheshire smashed Deadshot upside the head, once again, in '_The UncannySuperbuddies._'_

**(3)- **_Firefly attacked a fashion show where Beatriz Da Costa, aka the Justice Leaguer Fire, was modelling in _'The Uncanny Superbuddies.'


	2. Taking on the HIVE

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 2: Taking on the HIVE**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to DC._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Aaron- **_Deadshot and Cheshire aren't the only ones that I have paired up. Keep watching for more pairings soon. _

**Doza- **_Oh yeah. I have loads of fics out there. I'm trying to flood ffnet with my work then… I CAN TAKE OVER THE WORLD! **BWA-HA-HAAAA!**_

**Todd fan- **_I appreciate your reviews and all, luv… but could you be a little more detailed? I'd like to know what you actually like about my stuff._

* * *

**The skies above Jump City-**

In the skies above Jump City, Deadshot sat in the pilot's seat of the helicopter that carried the all-new Suicide Squad to their first mission. Deadshot and his teammates were to take down the HIVE and eliminate the headmaster: Brother Blood.

Whereas Jump City's very own Teen Titans would be all over the team for invading their city, the Suicide Squad had no need to worry as the teen heroes were already busy fighting with Cinderblock and Plasmus downtown. The Suicide Squad could go about their business in relative peace.

Beside Deadshot, in the co-pilot's seat, the Vietnamese assassin known as Cheshire leant over and whispered in her lover's ear.

'Is this mission starting to get your adrenaline pumping?' Cheshire whispered lustily. 'Because it is certainly getting mine pumping. And you know how I get when I'm on an adrenaline buzz.'

'Yeah, I've got the scars to prove it.' Deadshot chuckled.

Sitting behind the co-team leaders, the rest of the Suicide Squad waited patiently until they reached the drop-off point. Well, everybody was waiting patiently except from Killer Frost. The ice-wielding psychopath was fidgeting impatiently.

'C'mon, C'mon. When do we get to kill stuff? I'm getting antsy already.'

'Will you _please_ shut up?' The fire-wielding demon woman known as Scorch groaned. 'You're doing my head in. Take a pill or something.'

'The pills they gave me in the Slab made me drowsy.' Killer Frost sniffed. 'And I don't wanna be drowsy if we're gonna kill stuff.'

'No killing!' Deadshot reminded everybody from the pilot's seat. 'Until we get to Brother Blood, that is. Then it's kill-kill-kill all the way.'

'But we get to smash up robots, right?' Firefly piped up hopefully. 'Burn them too?'

'You can burn all the robots you want once we get inside, Lynns.' Deadshot answered with a sigh. 'Just be patient. We'll reach the drop-off point shortly.'

'Umm, not that I want to pooh-pooh the plan or anything…' Giganta piped up. 'But why is Bizarro sitting in the helicopter with us? He can fly.'

'An imperfect clone flying through the sky would be a little too obvious, don't you think?' Cheshire pointed out. 'This is a stealth mission. We want to keep contact with the Teen Titans to a minimum.'

'Bizarro am excited!' Superman's imperfect clone yelled loudly and happily. 'Bizarro am working with new friends! Bizarro's friends am Number One!'

'Thanks for that, mate.' Captain Boomerang winced as he rubbed his ear. 'Deafen me why don'cha?'

'Heads up, people.' Deadshot called from the pilot's seat. 'Get your parachutes ready, it's time for the drop!'

* * *

**The HIVE-**

In the main building of the HIVE Academy, the building that housed Brother Blood's private quarters, robotic drones marched make and forth in their duties guarding their master.

One drone stopped and studied the large locked door that comprised the only way in and out of the building.

'Unit-765-B detects fall in ambient temperature. Query: Accurate supposition?'

Another drone studied the door.

'Unit-765-B is correct in supposition. Ambient temperature has dropped significantly.'

'Query: Possible attack?' Drone 1 queried.

'Negative.' Drone 2 replied. 'Drop in ambient temperature arose form exterior weather systems. Commence duties.'

Before the drones could continue onwards one more step, the door exploded in a burst of brittle, frozen metal.

'Alarm!' The drones both bleated. 'Academy under attack! Alarm!'

'These overgrown toaster ovens never shut up, do they?' Deadshot sighed as he blew holes in both drones. 'There goes the stealthy option, I guess.'

'Stealth sucks.' Killer Frost sniffed as she froze a nearby door. 'I was always one for the frontal assault. More chances for killing that way.'

'I can see that it's gonna be a great mission with you, Sheila.' Captain Boomerang sighed as he tossed an exploding boomerang at the frozen door. 'Fire in the hole!'

The Suicide Squad dived for cover as the boomerang exploded, leaving a hole where the door once was.

'Brother Blood's private quarters are on the top floor.' Cheshire explained as she examined a mini-map on her watch. 'Quick. We don't have more time.'

'Bizarro smash?' The imperfect clone asked.

'Oh hell yeah.' Scorch grinned as a fiery aura began to surround her.

Firefly gazed at the demon woman, the fiery aura reflecting off his armoured mask.

'Ooooh…' Firefly sighed dreamily. 'Have I ever told you how beautiful you are when you do that aura thing?'

'Leave the flirting for later, Lynns.' Deadshot commanded as he led the charge up the stairs. 'We've got a mission to take care of.'

Firefly just sighed in disappointment.

'Don't worry.' Scorch said as she placed a comforting hand on Firefly's shoulder. 'We can talk about this later. Promise.'

Firefly just grinned happily under his mask as he followed everybody upstairs.

**

* * *

Several floors upwards-**

Jinx, Gizmo and Mammoth, three of the most famous graduates of the HIVE Academy leapt out fo the way as a robot drone (pieces of it anyway) smashed through the wall followed by what seemed to be a deathly pale clone of Superman.

'Bizarro smash robots!' The clone bellowed. 'Bizarro am Number One!'

Bizarro was soon followed by more drones and his fellow Suicide Squaddies.

'Oh yeah. This is more like it.' Killer Frost grinned as she impaled one drone with an icy spike. 'Okay. These things aren't human but… it's fun enough turning them into scrap!'

'What the spit?' Gizmo blinked. 'We're under attack!'

'Gee, ya think?' Jinx snorted. 'Don't just stand there, dumbass. Do something!'

'Already there!' Mammoth grinned as he charged at the Suicide Squad.

'Heads up!' Deadshot bellowed as he blew more holes in the robot drones. 'Steroid-enhanced kid at nine o' clock!'

'On it, boss!' Giganta called as she stomped towards the charging Mammoth.

The giant redhead peered down at the HIVE Graduate with a smile.

'Hey there, little boy. You gonna play with Giganta?'

'Crud.' Mammoth winced as Giganta grabbed him in a giant hand.

'Get your stinking hands off him, you slug-sniffing pit-licker!' Gizmo yelled as he flew around the giant woman.

'Y'know, as insults go, yours suck!' Scorch jeered as she flew up to Gizmo on a plume of fire.

'Get away from me, lady!' Gizmo demanded as two miniature rocket launchers popped out of his backpack. 'Don't make me blow you up!'

'Go on, I dare ya.' Scorch challenged.

'I warned you…' Gizmo said as he launched his rockets at the demon woman.

Scorch simply dodged out of the rockets' paths and set after Gizmo herself.

'Is that all you got, kid?' Scorch taunted as she zipped after Gizmo. 'C'mon. Gimmie a challenge!'

'Try this on for size, snot-licker!' Gizmo smirked as a flamethrower popped out of his pack.

Scorch just laughed in glee as she was blasted with fire.

'Fire doesn't hurt me, dumbass.' Scorch snickered as she absorbed the fire into her body. 'I can absorb whatever you've got. Now, how about I give you a little taste of your own fiery medicine?'

'Aww, spit.' Gizmo hissed as Scorch blasted off one of his robotic wings with a fireball.

Killer Frost caught Gizmo just before he splattered himself all over the wall.

'I know we're not supposed to kill you kids…' Killer Frost grinned as her fingers began to take the shape of ice claws. 'But I'm sure one wouldn't hurt…'

Before the icy Goth could strike the killer blow, she let out a shriek as he frozen hand exploded into tiny pieces.

'No killing!' Deadshot ordered as he held a smoking wrist blaster at her. 'Don't make me take you down!'

Killer Frost just held her injured hand and dropped Gizmo.

'Think yourself lucky, kid.' Killer Frost groused as she returned to the rest of the team.

Elsewhere, Cheshire, Firefly and Captain Boomerang were taking on Jinx.

'I say we turn her into barbeque!' Firefly chuckled evilly.

'We're not here to kill the students, you fire-spewing idiot!' Cheshire growled as she swatted the pyromaniac upside the head. 'And Digger, but that razor-sharp boomerang away. Don't make me put you down like a dingo.'

Captain Boomerang did as he was told and put away his boomerang as Cheshire turned back to their quarry.

'Now, you seem like a pretty intelligent girl, Jinx.' Cheshire explained. 'And I really don't want to hurt you… so will you let us pass without too much fuss?'

Jinx turned to regard her two beaten teammates.

'I'm smart enough to know when I'm beaten.' Jinx nodded with a shrug. 'I never liked these losers all that much anyway.'

Cheshire snapped her fingers as she got an idea.

'I know! Why don't you join us? A plucky young teenage sidekick would brighten up the team a lot. What do you say?'

Jinx stroked her chin in thought.

'What's the money like?'

'It sucks.' Firefly confessed. 'But we're based near Vegas.'

'Sold!' Jinx grinned as she shook Cheshire's hand. 'I've always wanted to go to Vegas.'

* * *

**The roof-**

Brother Blood panted heavily as he ran for his escape helicopter. The HIVE Academy was under attack and he was making his escape. Forget the students, Brother Blood only wanted to save himself.

'Fly me out of here!' Brother Blood commanded.

The pilot silently nodded as the helicopter began to take off.

The helicopter had barely moved off the roof when Bizarro smashed his way through.

'Brother Blood am not getting away!' The imperfect clone bellowed. 'Bizarro am catch Brother Blood!'

'I don't think so, creature!' Brother Blood hissed as his eyes began to glow red. 'I'm not exactly powerless here.'

Brother Blood laughed evilly as he blasted Bizarro with a burst of energy from his hands.

'Ha-ho. Bizarro am tickling.' The imperfect clone chuckled. 'Brother Blood am funny!'

Brother Blood tried to shoot Bizarro down with more energy blasts but found them useless against the clone's might.

'Brother Blood am like coin in can!' Bizarro grinned as he grabbed hold of the helicopter. 'Bizarro shake coin out of can!'

Brother Blood found himself knocked out of his seat as Bizarro began to shake the helicopter about. Blood tried to grab hold of something but found himself falling out of the open door.

Unfortunately for Brother Blood, Cheshire was the one that caught him.

'Oh look, Floyd.' Cheshire grinned at her lover. 'It's raining men.'

'W-what are you going to do with me?' Brother Blood whimpered.

'You've been targeted for elimination, Brother Blood.' Deadshot replied. 'Cheshire, would you care to do the honours?'

'I'd love to, darling.' Cheshire grinned as she removed a syringe from her belt.

Brother Blood gulped nervously as Cheshire pressed the syringe against his neck.

'W-what is in that thing?' He whimpered.

'The venom of the South Pacific Cone Shell.' Cheshire explained. 'The deadliest toxin known to man. Don't worry though, you'll be dead before you even feel it…'

* * *

**Meanwhile, somewhere in Boston-**

In a warehouse, somewhere in Boston, the psychotic clown known as the Joker was watching TV surrounded by lackeys. Harley Quinn was also there, petting her hyenas.

'This is the life, eh Harls?' The Joker sighed happily as he propped his feet up on a lackey. 'Who needs Gotham and its flying rodents when we could have peace and quiet in Boston?'

'I heard Wonder Woman's moved in, Mistah J.' Harley remembered.

'That scary redheaded Wonder Woman or that pesky Justice Leaguer?' The Joker frowned.

'The Justice League one.' Harley answered. 'Cept she ain't callin' herself Wonder Woman no more…'

'I guess we'll pop around and say hi.' The Joker shrugged.

'Ooh! Ooh!' Harley clapped excitedly. 'I could make a fruit basket!'

'And put a bomb in it?' The Joker asked.

'Of course I would, puddin'.' Harley grinned. 'The Woman-Formerly-Known-As-Wondy is gonna go boom!'

'Always the same eh, Joker?'

The Joker jumped up from his seat at the sound of the voice.

'What the Hell? Who's supposed to be in charge of security?'

One lackey held up a quivering hand.

'Th-that would be me, boss…'

The Joker rolled his eyes and pulled out a gun.

_**BLAM!**_

'You're fired! Ha!'

'It's practically impossible to find good help nowadays, isn't it?' The mysterious visitor asked.

'Okay. How about you show yourself before I ventilate you, Bunky?' Joker warned. 'I was watching my stories and I'd like to get back to them.'

'Is that how you talk to an old friend?' Lex Luthor asked as he stepped out of the shadows. 'Hello Joker. Long time no see.'

'Lexie!' Joker grinned as he gave the folically-challenged villain a big hug. 'What brings you to Boston?'

'The same thing as you, Joker.' Lex winced. 'Business opportunities. That and I have a proposition for you.'

'I'm listening…' Joker grinned as he let Lex go.

'I want you to join the Society.' Lex explained.

'Meh. Why the Hell not?' Joker shrugged. 'You always did throw the best parties.'

'What about the Wondy thing, Mistah J?' Harley piped up.

'Aww, nuts.' Joker winced. 'I guess I'll have to turn you down, Lexie. I was planning on having a little fun with the Amazon-Formerly-Known-As-Wonder Woman.'

'The Society will be perfectly willing to wait for you, Joker.' Lex nodded. 'Just try not to get into too much trouble.'

'Lexie, baby!' Joker grinned as he put an arm around Lex's shoulder. 'I'm the Joker! I never get in trouble!'

Lex just shook his head silently. It was going to be a long night…

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Raid on Cadmus**

_The Suicide Squad recruits their next member: Galatea. But first they have to break her out of captivity from Cadmus. Meanwhile: The Joker and Harley Quinn meet the rest of the Society…_

* * *

**Author's Notes- **_For the Joker's adventures with the Amazon-Formerly-Known-As-Wonder Woman, check out_ _future chapters of_ 'Uncanny Wonder Woman.' 


	3. Raid on Cadmus

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 3: Raid on Cadmus**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to DC._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Kagura2005- **_It's great to hear from a fellow Galatea fan. I hope you like this new chapter._

**Firefly25- **_I missed the Deadshot mini-series, this is mostly based on the Villains United mini-series. Lex and the Joker are busy elsewhere, but Gorilla Grodd however…Heh-heh. Can anybody say 'Uncanny Society'? _

**Doza- **_Jinx is my favourite HIVE graduate. Gizmo and Mammoth are just… lame. Have you seen the comic book version of Jinx? She looks nothing like the cartoon version! _

**Todd fan- **_I didn't ask for a complex analysis of my stuff, just that I'd like to hear what you liked the most._

**

* * *

Suicide Squad HQ: Somewhere deep under the Nevada Desert- **

Deadshot and the rest of the Suicide Squad were gathered in the briefing room of the top-secret underground bunker that housed their headquarters.

Cheshire was snuggled up to Deadshot, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Captain Boomerang was idly twirling one of his many boomerangs on the table. Firefly was entranced with his lighter and was flipping it on and off repeatedly. Scorch had conjured a fireball in her hands and had formed it into a humanoid shape, making it dance a fiery jig. Giganta was sharing a huge bag of chips with Bizarro. The imperfect clone had mashed up bits of chips scattered all down his front. Killer Frost was carving swear words into the table with a spike of ice. The Suicide Squad's latest member, the young witch and former HIVE Graduate known as Jinx was filing her nails impatiently.

As usual, Godfrey was holding court as he gave the team the low-down on their latest mission.

'First of all, I would like to welcome our newest recruit: Jinx. May she have many a successful mission with us.' Godfrey droned on.

Jinx held her hand up.

'Question?' The young pink-haired witch asked.

'Yes Jinx?' Godfrey responded. 'What do you need to ask?'

'When do we get to kick some butt?' Jinx blinked. 'Ever since I joined you guys, all that we've done is sit on our butts. Surely it's high time we got some action.'

'Looks like somebody's already getting action.' Killer Frost whispered jokingly, jerking a thumb at the snuggling Deadshot and Cheshire. Giganta held her hand in front of her mouth to conceal her laughter.

'What's the matter, Frosty?' Deadshot asked. 'You jealous you're not getting any loving?'

'As if.' Killer Frost snorted. 'I could get any man I wanted at any time.'

'Only if the guy liked doing ice-cubes.' Scorch snorted.

'You wanna make something of it, Red?' Killer Frost growled as she iced up her hand in preparation for a fight.

'You better believe it.' Scorch snarled, standing up out of her seat, her hands engulfed with flames.

'People, people…' Godfrey said, wanting to defuse the situation before any punches were thrown. 'Please, save your energy for the upcoming mission. It will be a difficult one.'

'Then what's the mission going to be?' Scorch groused. 'If you came out and told us the mission, I wouldn't have needed to get in Frosty's face.'

Godfrey activated the huge view screen at the front of the room. It showed a picture of the Project Cadmus building in Metropolis.

'This is the Project Cadmus building.' Godfrey explained. 'They specialise in genetic manipulation. Clones and the like.'

'Waitasec…' Giganta snapped her fingers in realisation. 'Isn't Cadmus in Metropolis?'

'Yeah.' Deadshot added. 'We won't have to encounter the Big Blue Boy Scout, will we?'

'I have been assured that Superman will not be in Metropolis.' Godfrey replied. 'I believe he is on a romantic vacation near Niagara Falls.'

'What about Supergirl or the rest of Metropolis' local heroes?' Cheshire asked. 'Like that guy in the armoured suit. Steel, or whatever.'

'They will also be otherwise engaged.' Godfrey replied. 'Miscellaneous League business, I believe.'

'So Metropolis is ripe for the pickin'.' Captain Boomerang grinned. 'Bonza!'

'What Godfrey want Suicide Squad to steal from Cadmus?' Bizarro piped up.

The picture on the screen changed to show a voluptuous blonde woman in white costume with an oval cut out, displaying her ample cleavage, blue gloves and boots and a red cloak.

'This delectable young lady is Galatea.' Godfrey explained. 'I believe she is a clone of Supergirl. She is presently undergoing a healing process after engaging the original Supergirl in combat. It is your mission to… liberate her from Cadmus.'

'I wouldn't mind liberatin' this Sheila of a few things.' Captain Boomerang grinned lecherously. 'Whoof!'

Killer Frost shot the Australian boomerang-wielder a deadly glare before swatting him upside the head.

'Pervert.'

'You suck, Digger.' Firefly snickered.

* * *

**Project Cadmus-**

Armed guards ran to the sound of gunfire. Project Cadmus was under attack. The attackers had dropped in without warning and were mowing through Cadmus' guards like a scythe through wheat.

'Open fire!' One guard bellowed. '_Open fire!_'

The other guards followed the order and opened fire at the bulky S-shielded figure that stormed through the throng.

This figure wasn't Superman however. The backward S on his chest, purple costume and his deathly pale complexion proved that right away.

The imperfect clone known as Bizarro simply shrugged off the gunfire as if it was a gang of gnats swarming around his head.

'Use the Kryptonite Ray!' The head guard ordered as more of his fellows were tossed aside like discarded shopping bags.

Three guards set up a complicated-looking energy cannon and pointed it at Bizarro's chest.

'Ready… _Fire!_'

A green beam shot out of the cannon, exploding against Bizarro's chest. Far from recoiling in pain, as you would expect a clone of the Man of Steel would form a Kryptonite blast, Bizarro just grinned happily.

'Ha! Green light am tickle Bizarro.' The imperfect clone chuckled. 'Green light am not hurt Bizarro. Green light am make Bizarro stronger!'

'Blast him again!' The lead guard ordered. 'Full force!'

The guards never had a chance for a second shot as Bizarro froze them solid with his ice vision.

'Guards am not being nice to Bizarro.' Bizarro tutted. 'Bizarro am try not to kill guards. Guards am making Bizarro angry. Guards am not like Bizarro when angry.'

The guards decided to give up the ghost and fled for their lives. Unfortunately for them, Bizarro let rip with a blast of his fiery breath, turning them to ash.

'_Bizarro…_' Deadshot's tinny voice said through a communicator. '_How's the distraction_ _going?_'

'Guards am no trouble now.' Bizarro responded through his wrist communicator. 'Bizarro am turn guards crispy.'

'Yo_u do remember that Godfrey told us to try not to kill too many people, remember?'_ Deadshot asked.

'Bizarro am try to be nice.' Bizarro explained. 'But guards am make Bizarro angry. Bizarro am lose temper. Bizarro am sorry.'

'I guess that means less guards for us to face in the end.' Deadshot sighed heavily. 'See you later. And try not to massacre everybody you see. Killer Frost's getting antsy. You know how much she likes killing. Try to save some cannon fodder for her, 'kay?'

'Bizarro am try to remember.' Bizarro nodded.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Several floors below Bizarro, the portly form of Amanda Waller, the head of Project Cadmus, was being ushered away by her personal guards. That was until the guards were taken out by poison darts.

'You just can't get the help nowadays, can you?' Cheshire tutted as she leapt down from the ventilation shaft above Waller's head.

'What's the matter, Tubs?' Deadshot quipped as he leapt out from the vent shaft alongside Cheshire. 'Now hug for an old friend?'

'Floyd Lawton.' Waller growled. 'You won't get away with this.'

'Oh, I think we will.' Deadshot grinned beneath his mask. 'My lovely assistant over there took care of your guards and you're all alone.'

'But still armed.' Waller replied as she pulled a gun on the masked assassin.

'Riiight…' Deadshot blinked, not impressed in the least. 'Do you _really_ think you can do any damage with that little peashooter?'

'The woman is delusional.' Cheshire added, shaking her head sadly. 'She has lost, yet she continues to fight on. You Americans really crack me up sometimes.'

Waller yelled in pain as the gun exploded in a burst of purple energy thanks to a well-aimed hex from Jinx.

'Sorry about the wait…' Jinx apologised as she ran up with Killer Frost close behind. 'We ran in to some unexpected trouble.'

'But I soon put them on ice.' Killer Frost grinned. 'Hey, what's with Fatty-Fat-Fat? Assassin got her tongue?'

'I just decided to pop by and say hi.' Deadshot explained. 'We go _waaaaay_ back. Don't we, Mandy?'

'Touch me and you die.' Waller groused.

'Whatever.' Killer Frost sniffed. 'We gonna get this Galatea or what? I thought we were on a schedule.'

'You'll never leave here alive.' Waller threatened. 'I'll hunt you down to the ends of the Earth!'

'Chesh, shut her up, would you?' Deadshot sighed. 'The woman's really starting to annoy me.'

'You got it, lover.' Cheshire nodded, before subduing Waller with a dart to the neck. 'Nighty-night, Lardo.'

* * *

**Galatea's chamber-**

The door to the chamber that held Galatea's healing cubicle burst open as Bizarro punched the door down.

'Thanks, B.' Deadshot nodded as he led the rest of the Suicide Squad into the chamber. 'Be careful. We don't know what kind of traps Waller's got in this place...'

As if to answer Deadshot's warnings, deadly laser beams burst out from the walls, ceiling and floor, criss-crossing the room.

'What did I tell you?' Deadshot groaned. 'Man, we're screwed.'

'Oh ye of little faith.' Jinx grinned as she somersaulted through the air, dodging through the laser beams with so much ease.

'Wow.' Firefly blinked. 'Look at that girl go.'

'Oh yeah.' Giganta nodded. 'I knew there was a reason we let her join the team.'

'She isn't just a plucky teenage sidekick.' Captain Boomerang added.

Soon, Jinx had made her way across the room and had shut down the laser beams.

'Come on, tell me how much I rule.' The young witch grinned cockily, striking a dramatic pose. 'Let me bask in your admiration.'

'Great job, kid.' Deadshot nodded, ruffling Jinx's hair. 'Don't get cocky.'

'How are we going to get Galatea out from that tank?' Cheshire scratched her head. 'Surely there will be fail safes to prevent her escaping.'

The Vietnamese assassin winced as she heard the sound of metal being ripped from metal as Giganta tore the cubicle off the wall.

'Or we could just do that.' Cheshire sniffed.

'Carefully lay her down on the ground.' Deadshot said. 'Then we release her. Somehow.'

'Am I the only one that's seeing a hot naked chick in a tube?' Firefly asked. 'Anybody? Hot naked chick?'

'Shut up, Lynns.' Cheshire hissed.

'Ooooh…' A muffled voice moaned. 'What happened…?'

'Bloody 'ell!' Captain Boomerang yelped. 'She's awake!'

The Suicide Squad dove for cover as Galatea burst from her healing cubicle, sending shards of glass all over.

'Who the Hell are you people?' Galatea asked. 'And why am I naked?'

'We're here to help you.' Deadshot answered as he stood up cautiously. 'You were being held here against your will. We were sent here to let you out.'

'I know you.' Galatea narrowed her eyes in suspicion. 'I've read your file. You're Deadshot. You're an assassin.'

'Honestly, we're not here to hurt you.' Cheshire said as she slowly stepped up to the angry blonde. 'I know it sounds corny but… We come in peace.'

'Okay.' Galatea shrugged. 'You guy's wouldn't happen to have any spare clothes, would you? I seem to be a little… naked.'

'Bizarro, give her your cape.' Cheshire said.

Bizarro did as he was told as he removed his cape and handed it to Galatea.

'Thanks, babe.' Galatea smiled as she wrapped the cape around herself. 'So, just who are you guys?'

'We're the Suicide Squad.' Deadshot grinned. 'Welcome to the club.'

'The pay sucks, but we live near Vegas.' Jinx added.

'Ooh, Vegas.' Galatea grinned. 'I've always wanted to go there.'

**

* * *

Meanwhile-**

Somewhere, far away from Metropolis, a gang of villains were plotting world domination, as you do.

The three heads of this team of villains were Lex Luthor: megalomania cal billionaire and nemesis of Superman. Gorilla Grodd: telepathic gorilla genius and Deathstroke: Former enemy of the Teen Titans. The three were inspecting their assembled army of like-minded villains.

'We're two people short.' Grodd explained. 'The Joker and Harley Quinn are still in Boston.' **(1)**

'I doubt that the Joker would mind, or care, if we started without him.' Luthor shrugged. 'Do you have anything to add, Deathstroke?'

'No.' Deathstroke replied simply.

'Very well.' Luthor nodded. 'Let's go meet the others.'

Luthor and the others took their places at the front of the room, where the rest of the supervillains were gathered.

Luthor, Grodd and Deathstroke alike had gathered supervillains from all over the planet. Not just enemies of Superman, enemies of Batman and Green Lantern too. There was even some of the Flash's Rogues gathered as well.

Representing Superman's rogue's gallery was the cybernetic psychopath known as Metallo, the fire-wielding redhead known as Volcana and the electric-manipulating woman known as Live Wire. From Gotham were the plant controlling Poison Ivy and the shapeshifting Clayface. Representing the Flash's Rogues were the weather-manipulating Weather Wizard, the parka-wearing Captain Cold and the psychotic speedster known only as Zoom. Representing Green Lantern's foes were the psychotic former army man Major Force, the evil former Green Lantern Sinestro and the energy-wielding Star Sapphire. Also gathered was the super strong Nazi known as Captain Nazi, Black Adam: nemesis of Captain Marvel, Mistress Mary: bullwhip-wielding dominatrix-bitch-monster-of-death evil doppelganger of Mary Marvel, the serpentine villain Copperhead, light-wielding villain Dr Light and immortal master of shadows… the Shade.

'Ladies and gentlemen…' Luthor began. 'You have been gathered here today for one thing: The complete and utter domination of the world.'

'Yeah, I'd like to see that.' Clayface snorted. 'There's one little problem though. The Justice League.'

'Yeah, that's right!' Poison Ivy added. 'Why bother fighting the League when they're only going to beat us.'

'Trust _you_ guys to agree with each other.' Mistress Mary snorted. 'You Arkham types always stick together.'

'Do you want me to stick that bullwhip where the sun don't shine?' Ivy hissed.

'Ooh, I love it rough.' Mistress Mary purred.

'Eww!' Ivy sneered. 'Freak.'

'You couldn't handle spending five seconds with me, red.' Mistress Mary grinned.

'Are you sure recruiting this rabble was such a good idea?' Deathstroke whispered.

'If they don't destroy the League, they may just destroy themselves arguing.' Grodd whispered back. There are plenty more possible candidates for the Society where they came from.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Shopping with the Superbuddies**

_Giganta, Bizarro, Jinx and Galatea go shopping in London, only to bump in to the Justice League International. Also, could romance be brewing between Galatea and one of the International Justice Leaguers? Tune in next time to find out…_

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_The Joker and Harley Quinn are otherwise engaged in Boston, getting their butts whipped by Diana in '_Uncanny Wonder Woman._'_


	4. Shopping with the Superbuddies

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 4: Shopping with the Superbuddies**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to DC._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**DarkKnight92- **_Galatea and Bizarro? Please! I know I like random pairings but that is just too crazy for me. Yes, you guessed correctly as to the inspiration for this fic. Well, the casting of Deadshot and Cheshire anyway. No Catman however cuz… LAME!_

**Kagura2005- **_Hurray for Galatea! However, you might not be able to call her by that name anymore as I'm going to change her name to make her more like the comic book Power Girl._

**Doza- **_I don't really see the Suicide squad as villains, more like anti-heroes. They do jobs that the Justice League wouldn't dare to touch. _

**Todd fan- **_Yeah, DC villains do have funny names. Heh-heh. Losers._

* * *

**Suicide Squad HQ: Nevada-**

Floyd Lawton and Jade Nguyen, also known as the former assassins Deadshot and Cheshire, were lying in bed snuggled up to each other.

Floyd gently tickled his lover behind the ear, a sure-fire way to get Jade in the mood. Lawton frowned at the lack of response.

'Jade, you okay?' Floyd asked concernedly. 'Are you ill or something? I just tickled you behind the ear, but you didn't do anything. Usually when I do that, you're all over me. What's up?'

'I'm thinking…' Jade replied simply.

'Okay, spill it.' Floyd said as he looked Jade right in the eye. 'I'm no psychologist but I know when there's something up.'

Jade bit her lip nervously before continuing. This surprised Floyd once more as Jade was never nervous. Not even when she was faced with certain death.

'Floyd…' Jade mumbled uncertainly. 'Would you say that we have a… solid relationship?'

'As solid a relationship as two former assassins could have.' Floyd responded honestly. 'Why, what's on your mind?'

'How would you react if I told you that we wouldn't be alone in this relationship for very longer?' Jade asked rhetorically.

'Don't tell me you're thinking of having a threesome.' Floyd responded, hoping that it was the case.

'Floyd, I'm serious…' Jade said, looking him right in the eye. 'I'm talking about children.'

Floyd nodded his head in realisation.

'Oh, _riiight_.' He nodded. 'Well, if you said that you were pregnant, I'd think that you were making a joke at my expense. What woman would seriously want to have a kid with me?'

'I would for one.' Jade answered honestly. 'I can see our relationship going very far. Sure, at first I was in it only for the sex. But now… Now I'm in this for the long haul. I love you Floyd and… and… I'm expecting your child.'

Floyd's eyes shot open in surprise.

'Oh my…' Was all he was able to say. 'A-are you serious? Are you really pregnant? With my child?'

'Yes, I am.' Jade nodded solemnly. 'When I noticed that my monthly cycle was late, I went to a clinic downtown just to make sure. The tests came back positive. I'm pregnant, Floyd. We're going to be parents!'

This was a lot for Floyd to take in.

'Wow…' The former assassin blinked. 'I'm gonna be a daddy. This is just… wonderful news! When are we gonna tell the others?'

'I think that we should wait a few days before dropping the bombshell.' Jade replied. 'Give ourselves plenty of time to adjust to the news.'

'This is just great!' Floyd grinned proudly. 'I'm really going to make a go of this relationship. I'm going to be a real father to my child this time, I swear!'

Jade closed her eyes with a satisfied smile as she snuggled close to the father of her child.

'No child of mine is going to be born out of wedlock.' Jade teased gently. 'So you'd better get started with the wedding plans.'

'I always wanted to get married in Vegas.' Floyd responded. 'Can we get Elvis to lead the ceremony?'

'What ever you want, my love.' Jade murmured as her eyes began to grow heavy with sleep. 'Love you…'

'Love you too.' Floyd responded as he kissed Jade on the top of her head. 'And I really mean that.'

* * *

**Meanwhile, in London-**

London. Capital city of England. Present home of the International branch of the Justice League. Place of very many fashionable shops.

Four figures walked down the street laden with bags. Well, the one guy in the group was laden with bags. The muscular black-haired guy followed his three female companions without a word of complaint. His companions were a statuesque redhead, a teenage girl with bright pink hair and a voluptuous blonde that was practically spilling out of her revealing top. They were Bizarro, Giganta, Jinx and Power Girl. They were in disguise as not to cause any needless panic.

'Well, I think that's the shoes front covered.' Jinx mentally checked off her list as she strolled along, peering into the shop windows as they passed. 'But then again, you can never have too many shoes.'

'I hear that.' Power Girl grinned. 'I still need to buy some boots to go with my new ensemble.'

'Are you keeping the Power Girl codename, then?' Giganta asked.

'Yup.' Power Girl nodded. 'But I'm thinking of changing my name. Galatea is kinda lame, don't you think?'

'What're you gonna call yourself then?' Jinx asked. 'Hooty McBoob?'

'Good one, kiddo.' Power Girl rolled her eyes. 'Real classy. I was thinking of something a little more normal. Something like… Karen. Karen Starr.'

'I like it.' Giganta grinned. 'Goodbye Galatea, hello Karen.'

'Karen am a pretty name.' Bizarro piped up. 'Am a pretty name for a pretty lady.'

'Aww, you think I'm pretty?' Karen smiled.

Bizarro nodded in reply.

'You're cute, B.' Karen said as she kissed the imperfect clone on the cheek. 'But I think Giganta'll get jealous if you keep on hitting on me like this.'

'W-what do you mean?' Giganta spluttered. 'Bizarro and me…'

'Oh, _please._' Jinx snorted. 'You and Bizarro are _so _together. You're practically inseparable!'

'Giganta am Bizarro's friend.' Bizarro quickly replied. 'Giganta and Bizarro am not dating.'

'Whatever you say, B.' Karen snickered.

Bizarro stopped and cocked his head. His super-sensitive hearing had picked up the telltale sounds of trouble.

'Hey B, what's up?' Giganta asked.

'Trouble.' The imperfect clone responded. 'Am a bank robbery not far away.'

'It looks like our shopping trip's been cut short.' Jinx sighed as she pressed a button on her watch, her civvies changing into her regular black and blue stripy tights.

'It's hero time!' Karen grinned as her civvies changed into her regular revealing costume with the cleavage cut out.

* * *

**Not far away-**

A couple of blocks away, there was indeed a bank robbery in progress. A couple of masked thieves were holding security guards at bay while their fellows took care of the money.

'Get yer arse into gear.' The lead thug ordered. 'We'd better get outta here soon, or we'll get the Justice League on us!'

'The League don't bother with bank robberies.' One thug snorted. 'They're too busy takin' care of alien invasions an' all that bollocks.'

'Just get a bloody move on before you get a fireball up the arse!' The lead thug ordered.

Suddenly, there was a cacophonous crash as something smashed through the window.

'Kill him!' The lead thug ordered.

The lackeys did as they were told and opened fire on the S-Shielded chest.

'You am stupid.' Bizarro tutted as he shook his head. 'Bullets am not hurt Bizarro!'

One thug tried to punch Bizarro in the chest, only for his hand to break with a nasty sounding snap.

'Silly.' Bizarro shook his head, grinning widely as he picked the thug up by his broken hand. 'Punches am not hurt Bizarro either. Bizarro am strongest there is! Bizarro am Number One!'

The thug let out a scream as Bizarro tossed him through the air, smashing through the bank's wall.

'Hey, B…' Jinx frowned as she somersaulted in to the bank and blew up some thugs' guns with a hex bolt or two. 'Leave some for us!'

'This is what you get for ruining our shopping trip!' Power Girl growled as she grabbed the lead thug under the arms and flew upwards, smashing through the roof.

'Ahhh! Lemmie down, ya crazy bint!' The lead thug screamed.

'That's really not the thing you wanna say when you're fifty feet up in the air, buddy. Trust me.' Power Girl tutted. 'Unless you wanna end up as pavement pizza.'

Back down on the ground, Giganta was taking on a van full of the thugs.

Even faced with a woman as tall as a skyscraper, the thugs kept on shooting.

'You know, you could have somebody's eye out with those things.' Giganta quipped as she kicked the thugs' van, scattering the masked raiders all over the street.

The giant woman made to grab a thug up in her hand, only for a green shield to appear, blocking her reach.

'Move away from the masked scumbags, red!' A voice ordered.

Giganta spun around to see the Green Lantern known as Guy Gardner hovering nearby. With him was the Brazilian fire-wielder known as Fire.

'Do what the Lantern says, Giganta.' Fire ordered. 'Unless you wanna get burned!'

'Are you mental?' Giganta snorted. 'We're here to stop these guys from making away with the money in the bank!'

'Yeah, like _that's_ ever gonna happen.' Guy snorted. 'You're most probably arguing over the loot!'

'Leave Giganta alone! Giganta am best friend!' A voice bellowed.

Guy tried to block, but ended up getting knocked out of the air by a purple blur.

'Guy!' The Norwegian ice-wielder known as Ice screamed. 'You'd better hope that he's not hurt!'

'Lantern am started it.' Bizarro crossed his arms as he hovered in front of the Justice Leaguer. 'Bizarro and friends am only trying to help.'

'Bizarro's right…' Blue Beetle, the JLI's leader, said as he came running up with Jinx. 'Jinx here told me all about it.'

'And you _believed_ her?' Fire snorted. 'You know I usually agree with your decisions Teddy, but… How do we know these guys are telling the truth? They're villains for God's sake!'

'Federal agents.' Jinx responded as she showed the Leaguers her ID card. 'Well, not actually Federal… We work so many levels above that. Anyway, by interrupting this bust you're in violation of federal law.'

'Damn Feds.' Guy hissed as he got up to his feet. 'Always spoiling our fun.'

'This guy won't be any more trouble…' Power Girl said as she slowly lowered herself down to the ground. 'He kinda… fainted.'

'_Hellooo!_' Guy grinned as he looked the scantily clad heroine up and down.

'Guy!' Ice hissed at her boyfriend.

'Not the face…' Guy winced.

'Sorry about this guys, I really am.' Beetle apologised. 'Some of us are a little…' He glared at Guy. '…headstrong.'

'Bite me, Beetle.' Guy sneered.

'Well, I'd like to say that it's been fun working for you but… it hasn't.' Power Girl shrugged. 'Although… I have seen something that I'd like to investigate further…'

'And that would be…?' Beetle asked.

'You, stud.' Power Girl gave him a sexy wink. 'Call me.' The super-strong heroine purred as she fished a piece of paper with her number on it out of her cleavage.

And with that, Power Girl and the other Suicide Squaddies left.

'Tramp.' Fire sneered as she watched Power Girl fly off. 'Did you see the way that… slut was dressed? And I thought _Encantadora_ had no shame. Oh, and another thing… If her boobs are real, then I'm Batman!'

'Holy silicon implants, Bat-Bea!' Guy quipped, laughing. Fire shot the Lantern a glare.

'Bite me, Gardner.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Doctor Is In**

_Deadshot goes hunting for a doctor in preparation for his and Cheshire's impending child. Who does he choose…? Dr Mid-Nite! 'Nuff said._


	5. The Doctor Is In

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 5: The Doctor Is In**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to DC._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Aaron- **_of course I got the guys from the JLI from L1701E. He and I co-write '_Uncanny Superbuddies'_, remember? You want more from Giganta and Bizarro? You'd better watch out for later chapters then. I'll see what I can do about Scandal…_

**Proponent of EVO- **_I think Power Girl has got a rival in Bea DaCosta. Oh man, that fight'll be vicious when they meet again…_

**Todd fan- **_That last review was short but sweet, just like you, luv._

**DarkKnight92- **_Oh god, the child of two of the most dangerous assassins in the world? The kid's gonna be a psycho! Don't worry, Cheshire isn't a traitor. Damn you Deathstroke!_

**Doza- **_Yeah, Deadshot's real happy that he's gonna be a daddy. Who wouldn't be glad to have a hot babe like Cheshire by your side? If you want evil bad guys, just you wait until the Suicide Squad goes up against the Society. Hoo-boy, that's gonna get vicious._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'Me Grimlock am strong. Me Grimlock should be leader!'_

* * *

**Suicide Squad HQ, Nevada-**

It had been a quiet day for the team of reformed villains known as the Suicide Squad. There had been no missions for the team in some time. It had been so quiet that two members of the team had decided to take a trip into nearby Las Vegas to do some grocery chopping. How the hell they would find a grocery store in with all the casinos and swanky hotels was anybody's guess.

Killer Frost and Captain Boomerang walked along the corridor that led to the sleeping quarters. Killer Frost mentally ticked off a list of groceries.

'We need the basics for a start off…' The ice-wielding villainess remembered. 'Bread, milk, toilet paper, stuff like that… Then there's the luxuries. Deadshot wants his JD. Bizarro needs his comic fix. Cheshire's got a craving for chocolate ice-cream and red M&M's. I need to get some Doritos. You want your fruity Aussie beer…'

'There's nothing fruity about Foster's, Sheila.' Captain Boomerang frowned. 'There's a reason why it's called Amber Nectar, y'know.'

'Whatever.' Killer Frost shrugged as she continued to count off groceries. 'Giganta wants strawberry scented shampoo. And… Power Girl wants chocolate.'

'It's a wonder how she stays so slim with all the chocolate she shovels down her bloody throat.' Captain Boomerang shook his head.

'I think we all know where the weight goes.' Killer Frost snickered.

'You mean those things _aren't_ implants?' Captain Boomerang blinked in surprise. 'Strewth.'

'Now we just need to ask Firefly and Scorch what they want…' Killer Frost said, swiftly getting back to the task at hand. 'Where the hell are they anyway?'

'I ain't got the faintest clue, Sheila.' Captain Boomerang shook his head. 'Those two've been inseparable. You don't think…?'

'Don't even go there…' Killer Frost shuddered, holding her hand up with a wince. 'That's just wrong on so many levels.'

'As wrong as Bizarro and Giganta?' Captain Boomerang suggested.

'Shut up before I stick an icicle where the sun don't shine.' Killer Frost glared as they reached Scorch's room.

The pair didn't bother to knock as they walked straight in to the room. The sight that greeted them made the two former villains stop dead in their tracks. Firefly was stripped to the waist and was tied to the bed while Scorch did unspeakable things to him.

'That is just sick and wrong!' Killer Frost hissed, hiding her eyes with a grimace. 'And I know sick and wrong! Gah!'

'Aw, **_strewth_!**' Captain Boomerang turned away in disgust, his face turning slightly green.

'Get outta my room, you sickos!' Scorch yelled angrily.

'**_We're_** the sick ones?' Killer Frost snorted.

Scorch lobbed a fireball at the two intruders, narrowly avoiding their heads.

'Get out! Get out! Get out!' The fire-manipulating demon woman yelled.

'Geez, we're gone.' Killer Frost grimaced as she quickly moved out of the room and shut the door behind her.

'Well, _that's_ a keeper. Uch' Captain Boomerang commented.

'Those two need to have their heads examined.' Killer Frost closed her eyes tight and tried to get the horrid mental image out of her head.

'So says the self-confessed psychopath.' Captain Boomerang quipped.

'Oh shut up, Digger.' Killer Frost sneered. 'Let's just get the shopping done before Deadshot gets back with this new doctor guy, okay?'

* * *

**Portsmouth, Washington-**

Pieter Anton Cross was a very busy man. As well as being one of the world's most accomplished doctors, he also moonlighted as a reserve member of the Justice League. To the rest of the League, Cross was better known as Dr Mid-Nite. A medical prodigy, Cross aced his way trough medical college and set up a surgery in New York. Even though his fellow surgeons thought that Cross was a loose cannon, they couldn't deny that he was one hell of a great surgeon. There was no area of medicine that Cross wasn't an expert in.

Cross became Dr Mid-Nite after a lab explosion gave him the ability to see in the infrared spectrum. Unfortunately, the explosion also blinded Cross in the process. Dr Mid-Nite was usually aided in his superhero pursuits by his pet owl called Hooty.

Cross was about to close down his surgery for the night when he noticed a black-haired man with a moustache sitting in his waiting room.

'I tried to tell him that we've closed for the night but he insisted on staying.' The receptionist explained.

'It's alright, Elaine.' Cross nodded calmly. 'I'll take care of him. What can I help you with, my friend?' Cross asked as he walked up to the stranger.

'I'm Floyd Lawton.' The stranger explained as he stood up.

'Deadshot?' Cross blinked.

'Don't worry, Doc…' Lawton reassured him. 'I'm not here to kill you or anything. I want to make you an offer. Can we talk in private?'

'Come in to my office…' Cross led Lawton into the next room and closed the door behind them. Cross then noticed that Lawton was carrying a suitcase. Cross used his enhanced vision to look through the side of the suitcase. Far from being a bomb, as Cross had originally thought, the suitcase was full of neatly arranged dollar bills.

'The Suicide Squad needs your help, Doc.' Lawton said as he laid his suitcase down on the desk. 'Long story short, Cheshire's expecting a kid. My kid.'

'The _assassin_ Cheshire?' Cross asked. Cross already knew the answer but he thought it would be best if he got all the information before making a solid decision.

'Yeah, that's the one.' Lawton nodded. 'I only found out a short time ago myself. I know you're the best at what you do, so I came to you for help. The Suicide Squad needs somebody like you to patch up any injuries that we get, as well as delivering the baby. You _have _delivered a baby before, right?'

'I have experience being a midwife, yes.' Cross nodded. 'I won't be being held against my wishes, will I?'

'I wouldn't have brought all this cash, would I?' Lawton remarked.

'I… guess not.' Cross shook his head. 'You will have noticed that I am a very busy man.'

'We've got a teleporter.' Lawton explained. 'If we need any help we'll give you a call, okay?'

'I'll think about it.' Cross nodded.

'Thanks a lot, Doc.' Lawton smiled as he shook Cross's hand. 'You won't regret this.'

'I'll see you soon then.' Cross smiled. 'Oh, and Mr Lawton? You might want to give up those cigars. There are several nasty black patches on your lungs.'

'Way ahead of ya, Doc.' Lawton smiled as he popped some nicotine gum into his mouth. 'See you around.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Doctors, And Tameranians And The Main Man, Oh My!**

_Dr Mid-Nite catches the eye of one of the Suicide Squaddies, Jinx tries to recruit Blackfire, and Power Girl gets in to a bar brawl with Lobo. A normal day for the Suicide Squad, really._


	6. Doctors, And Tameranians, And The Main M

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 6: Doctors, And Tameranians, And The Main Man, Oh My!**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to DC._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Proponent of EVO- **_Killer Frost and Dr Mid-Nite? Hmm, let's just wait and see._

**Doza- **_Thanks for the review. I hope you like this chapter too. More fluff from Cheshire and Deadshot too._

**Todd fan- **_That review was short, but sweet. Just like you, babe._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'No beer and no TV makes R-Man something, something…'_

* * *

**Suicide Squad HQ, Nevada-**

The Suicide Squad's very own prospective parents, Deadshot and Cheshire, were being examined by their new doctor, Dr Pieter Anton Cross, also known as the superhero Dr Mid-Nite.

Cheshire was laid on the examination table while Mid-Nite scanned her belly.

'Is everything okay, Doc?' Deadshot asked concernedly.

'I'm afraid that it's a little too soon to tell anything, actually.' Mid-Nite said as he examined the ultrasound scan. 'But everything seems fine enough.'

'Thank goodness for that…' Cheshire sighed in relief. 'I'd hate to think what would happen to us if something happened to the baby.'

'I'm sure we'll do fine, babe.' Deadshot smiled as he kissed his lover on the top of her head.

'As I said before, your pregnancy is at a too early stage to see anything on the ultrasound.' Mid-Nite said as he wiped the gel from Cheshire's belly. 'Give it a couple of weeks, when your bump begins to grow, then there will be something to see.'

'Thanks a lot, Doc.' Deadshot grinned as he shook Mid-Nite's hand. 'I knew I'd made the right choice when I chose you to be the Squad's medical guy.'

'It's always a pleasure to help those in need.' Mid-Nite smiled. 'Now, if you'll excuse me I have a poker game with Captain Boomerang and Firefly.'

Deadshot and Cheshire made their goodbyes and headed back to their room. Mid-Nite turned to pack away his medical equipment when he heard somebody walk in.

'Did you forget something, Floyd?' Mid-Nite asked, not even looking around.

'Not Deadshot, I'm afraid…' A sultry feminine voice purred.

Mid-Nite spun around to see Killer frost leaning against the doorframe of the med bay. She was wearing nothing but a skimpy robe.

'May I help you, Ms Frost?' Mid-Nite asked.

'I was hoping that you could, actually.' Frost smiled as she sauntered into the room. 'I have a pain in my bosom, perhaps you'd like to examine me?'

'Hop up on the examination table and I'll take a look at you.' Mid-Nite nodded as he searched around her his equipment.

Killer Frost did as she was told and hopped up on to Mid-Nite's examination table with an evil smile on her face. She couldn't believe that the guy was falling for this.

While Mid-Nite was pottering around for his stethoscope, Killer Frost untied her robe and let the garment fall around her ankles, leaving her laid out naked on the table.

'I'm ready whenever you are, doctor…' Killer Frost purred as she propped herself up on one arm.

'I'll just be a moment…' Mid-Nite replied. 'Now, where did I put that stethoscope?'

'Is this it?' Killer Frost asked as she dangled said instrument in front of the doctor's face.

'Ah, there it is…' Mid-Nite smiled as he stood up. 'Thank you Ms Fro…'

'Surprise.' Killer Frost smiled at the doctor's shocked expression. 'Would you like to give me a full body examination?'

'There really isn't a pain in your bosom, is there?' Mid-Nite sighed. 'I can't believe I fell for that…'

'I guess you could say that there is a pain in my bosom…' Killer Frost purred as she ran her hand up and down Mid-Nite's abs. 'It's a pain of loneliness. Mmm, do you work out?'

'Surely there is somebody more deserving of your attention.' Mid-Nite commented, trying to stay as stoic as possible.

'Not likely.' Killer Frost snorted. 'Lawton's got Cheshire, Digger's married, to Captain Cold's sister no less, Firefly's got… Scorch…' Killer Frost shivered in disgust at the memory. 'And the less said about Bizarro, the better.'

'What about Godfrey?' Mid-Nite asked, referring to the Squad's boss.

'I don't think he swings that way.' Killer Frost sniffed. 'That only leaves you. Don't tell me that you don't swing that way too…'

'Oh no…' Mid-Nite shook his head. 'I like women.'

'Then hurry up with the examination already…' Killer Frost frowned. 'A woman could go off the boil with all this waiting…'

Killer Frost reached out and grabbed Mid-Nite by the collar, pulling him down to eyelevel.

'And I don't like to be kept waiting…'

Mid-Nite cleared his throat nervously.

'I-I usually like to romance a lady before doing… that.'

'Then romance me, already.' Killer Frost rolled her eyes. 'I hear there's a great teak house downtown. They've even got a casino. Just think of it, a meal, win some cash, and have red-hot monkey sex with a babe like me. You'd be insane to turn it down.'

Mid-Nite knew that there was no way that he could worm his way out of this situation and he didn't want to upset Killer Frost, especially if her reputation is true.

'Just let me get my coat…' Mid-Nite sighed.

'Sweet!' Killer Frost grinned as she jumped up off the examination table and tied her robe back up. 'You won't regret this, Doc.'

Mid-Nite sighed heavily. What had he gotten himself into now?

**

* * *

Meanwhile, in Star City-**

The Suicide Squaddie and former HIVE Graduate known as Jinx wrapped her coat tighter around her body to protect herself form the harsh Star City wind.

'Chicago has nothing on this city…' Jinx muttered as she made her way into a nearby diner. 'Windy City, my ass.'

Jinx saw the familiar figure that she was supposed to meet and headed over to the table.

'A little windy out?' The exiled Tameranian known as Blackfire quipped.

'Ha-ha. Very funny.' Jinx rolled her eyes as she sat down opposite her old friend.

'What did you want to meet me for, anyway?' Blackfire muttered impatiently.

'I've got a proposition for you…' Jinx responded. 'Come join the Suicide Squad.'

Blackfire threw her head back and let out a laugh.

'Ha! You have to be kidding me!' The exiled alien princess laughed. 'You know that I don't work in a team. I work _alone!_'

'Not even for a hefty amount of money?' Jinx asked. The teenage witch knew that Blackfire loved nothing better than money. This ploy had to work…

'How hefty are we talking?' Blackfire asked, her interest piqued.

'As much as you can possibly imagine.' Jinx grinned. Blackfire was in her power…

'Oh, I don't know…' Blackfire stroked her chin. 'I can imagine an awful lot…'

'Then why don't you come with me?' Jinx asked. 'Then you can find out just how much I mean.'

'You planned this all along, didn't you?' Backfire sighed. 'You know how much I like money.'

'Yeah, I know you just too well, B.' Jinx snickered. 'There is just one thing though, my employers want to see an example of your loyalty first…'

'Such as…?' Backfire asked, even more curious than ever.

Jinx leant in closer and whispered quietly.

'You know this Speedy kid, Green arrow's sidekick…'

* * *

**Las Vegas-**

Cesar's Armpit was a dive of a bar just outside the Las Vegas Strip. It was well known to be frequented by bikers and various other dregs of society. That was precisely why Power Girl had chosen to go there. The clone of Supergirl loved a good fight and could often be found in biker bars and the like challenging all comers to test their might.

Power Girl sighed heavily as the last biker slumped forwards onto the remains of a pool table.

'So much for that workout.' Power Girl tutted as she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. 'It looks like there's nobody here to _really_ challenge me.'

'That's because you ain't never been up against the Main Man!'

Power Girl sun around to see a deathly pale, leather-wearing, greasy-haired, immensely buff guy walk out from the back room.

'You wanna try your luck, big man.' Power Girl Challenged.

'The Main Man loves it when the ladies play rough.' The alien bounty hunter known as Lobo grinned. 'Bring it, babe!'

Power Girl didn't keep Lobo waiting as she flew up to him and threw a punch. Unfortunately for her Lobo caught her hand and pulled her close.

'What do you say we forget this fussin' and fuedin' and get to know each other a little better?' Lobo grinned lecherously.

'Not on your life, freak.' Power Girl sneered as she slugged Lobo on the chin, smashing him through the roof of the bar.

'Uch…' Power Girl shivered in disgust. 'Greasy hair, Gah! So wrong.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Arrows and Bar Brawls**

_Blackfire and Jinx Vs Speedy and Power Girl Vs Lobo. 'Nuff said._


	7. Arrows and Bar Brawls

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 7: Arrows and Bar Brawls**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to DC._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'If your nose starts to bleed, it means you're picking it too much, or not enough.'_

* * *

**Star City-**

The exiled Tamaranian known as Blackfire flew for her life through the back alleys of Star City. In her hand she carried a clutch of arrow that up until recently had belonged to the young archer and member of Titans East known as Speedy.

'Ha!' This is too easy!' Blackfire laughed out loud as she flew a loop in the air. 'I'll never know why Jinx wanted me to do this to prove my loyalty to the Suicide Squad, it's too damn easy!'

'If this is easy, then I'm not doing my job right!' Speedy responded as he leapt down from the roof of a nearby building, landing on top of Blackfire.

'You idiot!' Blackfire hissed as she began to tumble through the air. 'You're going to get us killed!'

'I don't think so…' Speedy responded as he shot out a grapple arrow and swung away. Blackfire barely gained control before she crashed to the ground.

'I just stole a few of yours arrows.' Blackfire threw up her arms with an exasperated sigh. 'It's not as if it's a big crime. Don't to have some big bad to fight instead of screwing up my fun?'

'Stealing isn't my definition of fun.' Speedy replied as he nocked another arrow in his bow. 'Now, are you going to give up or will we have to say hello to Mister Electro-Net Arrow?'

'I wouldn't do that if I were you…'

Speedy spun around at the sound of the voice. It was Jinx, acting as a distraction. That was all Blackfire needed as she blasted Speedy in the back with a Star Bolt.

'Didn't Green arrow tell you anything?' Blackfire tutted as she leant over the stunned Speedy. 'You don't turn your back on an enemy.'

'I'm not beaten yet…' Speedy hissed as he slowly got up to his feet. 'And I don't need by arrows to beat you…'

'Speedy, sweetie…' Blackfire sighed. 'There are two of us and only one of you. Seriously babe, you don't stand a chance…'

'Yeah…' Jinx said as she sidled up beside Blackfire and leant on the alien's shoulder. 'You wouldn't want to hurt two beautiful young women, would you?'

'You know, we might be grateful if you let us go…' Blackfire purred as she stroked her hand across Speedy's chest. '_Verrrry_ grateful…'

'I know what you're trying to do…' Speedy frowned as he narrowed his eyes at the two young women. 'And it isn't going to work. I'm not Green Arrow. I don't get distracted by a pretty face.'

'Oh, isn't that just typical?' Jinx tutted. 'The best ones are always gay.'

'W-what?' Speedy sputtered. 'I-I-I'm not gay! I-I like women. I love boobies!'

'Glad to hear it, sugar…' Blackfire smiled as she stroked her hand down Speedy's neck. 'Now, sleep!'

Blackfire promptly chopped Speedy on the neck, knocking him out.

'Well, will you look at that…' Blackfire sniffed as she stepped over the unconscious Speedy. 'Boys are such fragile creatures, aren't they, Jinxie?'

'They certainly are, Blackie.' Jinx grinned.

'So, does this mean that I'm part of the team now?' Blackfire asked.

'I should think it does.' Jinx grinned as she linked arms with her friend. 'You know, it was pretty hot the way you tried to seduce him like that.'

Blackfire cocked a curious eyebrow.

'Are you hitting on me?'

'Is that a problem?' Jinx asked.

'Not that I can think of.' Blackfire shrugged as she walked arm-in-arm with her friend out of the alley. 'You're hot, I'm ever hotter. It's a natural pairing. And if the others don't like it, they can just screw themselves.'

'I'm pretty sure that Captain Boomerang already does that.' Jinx commented.

Blackfire stuck her tongue out in response.

'Eww! Just a little too much information, thank you.'

* * *

**Las Vegas-**

The wall to Cesar's Armpit exploded outwards as the intergalactic bounty hunter known as Lobo was forcibly ejected from the establishment. Power Girl was close behind him as she flew out of the gaping hole she had just created.

'That wuz a good punch, Power-Babe…' Lobo grinned as he wiped blood form his chin. 'But it wasn't quite good enough. Whadda ya say we quit al this an' find a bed somewhere. The Main Man's got an itch that he needs to scratch!'

'Oh _please!_' Power Girl sneered as she visibly shuddered. 'I wouldn't go with you if you were the last guy in the Universe!'

'I'm sure you'll change ya tune soon enough, babe.' Lobo grinned as he got back up to his feet. 'The Main Man's got a way with the ladies!'

That comment earned Lobo another punch to the face. This time the intergalactic bounty hunter ended up smashing through a parked bus.

'Some work out this ended up being…' Power Girl muttered as she dusted herself off. 'I wonder if Darkseid's up for a tussle…?'

Power Girl was then knocked off her feet as Lobo tackled her to the ground.

'C'mon, give the Main Man a kiss…' Lobo leered down at her. 'Ya never know, ya might just like it.'

'As much as you'd like _this…?_' Power Girl sneered as she kicked Lobo in the groin, catapulting him into the air once more.

'Ooh, she likes it rough.' Lobo chuckled as he got to his feet. 'A Chickie after the Main Man's own heart!'

'How about I rip it out and show it to you?' Power Girl sneered as she flew at Lobo once more, smashing him through another building.

'I love it when the chicks talk dirty.' Lobo leered as he slapped Power Girl on the backside. 'Mmm, perky. I like that in a woman.'

Power Girl sneered in disgust as she picked Lobo up and tossed him in the air.

'Hey Lobo, prepare to kiss my asphalt!' Power Girl crowed as she caught Lobo once more and slammed him into the ground, creating a huge crater in the process.

'Y'know, this is starting to become pretty fun.' Power Girl chuckled as she dove onto Lobo with an almighty elbow drop. 'Most normal guys couldn't put up with the kind of pounding that I can deal out.'

'Glad to be a help, Power-Babe.' Lobo retorted as he kicked Power Girl in the gut. 'Now, Howsabout you help the Main Man with his itch?'

'How about I don't?' Power Girl sniffed as she threw a punch at her opponent, only for him to catch her hand and pull her close.

Lobo licked his lips, as he looked Power Girl over. And as you would expect, two of the first features that his attention was brought to were her breasts.

'Fraggin' hell!' Lobo blinks. 'Those babies look like you got two bald guys stuffed in there!'

'I'm glad you lie 'em…' Power Girl retorted as she headbutted Lobo, making him lose his grip on her. 'I grew them myself. No enhancements. I'm all natural, baby!'

'How about givin' the Main Man a closer look?' Lobo chuckled.

'No, I don't think so.' Power Girl replied as she gave Lobo a second kick to the ground, punting him into the air to come crashing down upon a parked fuel tanker.

Power Girl was blasted off her feet as the tanker exploded in a giant fireball.

Power Girl got up with a cough.

'Aww, crap…' The super-strong clone groaned as she looked down at her costume, it was practically torn to shreds. It was a miracle that the remains of the garment stayed on at all. 'Do you have any idea how much it costs to make these things? Knowing my luck there'll be pictures all over the 'net by morning.'

'You say that like it's a bad thing, Pee-Gee.' Lobo retorted as he stepped out of the flaming wreckage.

'Aww, dammit!' Power Girl groaned once more. 'I hate it when they don't know when they're beat!'

'I guess I'm just stubborn like that.' Lobo chuckled. 'Now, about that kiss…'

Unfortunately for Lobo, but fortunately for Power Girl, the alien bounty hunter was halted form making any more inappropriate advances as he was presently positioned under a giant blue landing strut.

Power Girl looked up at the blue insectoid craft that had just landed in front of her.

'About time you got here, stud…' Power Girl smiled. 'For a minute there I thought that you'd stood me up.'

A hatch in the side of the craft opened up and a blue-clad figure stepped out.

'And why would I want to stand up a lovely lady like you?' Blue Beetle chuckled as he prodded Lobo's foot with his. 'Heh. Just like the Wizard of Oz, but without the shiny footwear.'

Power Girl flew up to her cerulean-clothed saviour and planted a smacker on his lips.

'_Mmmm_, my hero…' Power Girl purred as she smooshed her more than ample chest up against Beetle's chest.

Blue Beetle found himself returning the kiss. Well, it was not as if he could stop her. Or that he particularly wanted to stop her either. Hell, who wouldn't want somebody like Power Girl smooshed up against them?

Power Girl finally let Beetle up for air and stroked his cheek lustily.

'Are the seats in that thing adjustable?' Power Girl asked as she looked up at the giant blue beetle.

'Why yes, I believe they are…' Beetle replied. 'Why do you ask?'

Power Girl just giggled excitedly and grabbed Blue Beetle by the hand, dragging him into the Beetle.

'Right, stupid question.' Beetle realised. 'Gotcha.'

Power Girl quickly closed the door to the Beetle and activated the autopilot to make sure that they wouldn't get disturbed.

'Now, why don't I show you just how grateful I am for that save…?' Power Girl purred as she pushed Beetle into one of the seats and straddled him.

'I don't see anything wrong with that…' Beetle smiled as he looked Power Girl in the face with a smile.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Catfight!**

_A long night of monitor duty becomes a little less boring for Cheshire as a certain Feline Fatale makes an unannounced appearance. Bring your beer and popcorn folks, cuz we've got a catfight brewin'! Aww, yeah!_


	8. Catfight!

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 8: Catfight!**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to DC._

* * *

**Suicide Squad HQ, far below the Nevada desert-**

Cheshire was bored. The other members of the Suicide Squad had gone off on their own business. Giganta and Scorch had gone to play the slots in downtown Las Vegas. They had also dragged Bizarro and Firefly along with them. Deadshot, Captain Boomerang and Killer Frost had their own little mission in Zandia. Jinx and Blackfire were off doing God-knows-what. Power Girl was still having shenanigans with Blue Beetle. And Dr Mid-Nite had his medical practice in Washington. That just left Cheshire to keep watch in the monitor room.

The Vietnamese former assassin was starting to wish that Darkseid's forces from Apokalips would invade. That's how desperate she was to have something to do. Although to be fair, wishing for a full-blown alien invasion was perhaps not the greatest thing to do when you're pregnant.

Cheshire patted her steadily growing bump as she checked the security monitors for the umpteenth time. Still nothing. Or was there?

Cheshire narrowed her eyes as she saw a shadow move in one of the monitors. Why would one of her fellow Suicide Squaddies need to be so sneaky? Unless it wasn't one of her teammates at all.

Cheshire smiled to herself as she got up off her seat. It looked like her night was going to get a lot more eventful.

The dark-haired former assassin slowly crept out of the monitor room in search of the intruder.

'Come out, come out wherever you are…' Cheshire called as she crept along the corridors of the Suicide Squad Complex. 'Digger, if it's you screwing around, it's not funny. You're only going to get a poison dart up the ding-dong.'

'Ooh, that sounds kinda kinky.' A feminine voice purred. 'I never knew you assassin types went for that kind of thing.'

Cheshire looked up above her head only to get a whip lashed around her neck. Cheshire struggled to release herself as the intruder started to pull her up.

'Ooh! I've got me a wriggler!' The intruder chuckled. 'I'm gonna get you little fishy!'

'That's what you think, Kyle!' Cheshire hissed as she yanked on the whip around her neck and pulled her would-be captor down to the ground.

'Oh, pooh…' The feline criminal known as Catwoman sulked as she punched the ground in exasperation. 'You Squaddies are no fun!'

Cheshire just crossed her arms over her chest and glared down at Catwoman.

'What do you want, Selina?' The Vietnamese assassin sighed. 'I do have better things to do than tangle with you.'

'Oh yeah, monitor duty.' Catwoman snorted. 'That must be _real _fun!'

Catwoman lashed out with a kick and swept Cheshire's legs from under her.

'Now, I'll tell you what's fun…' Catwoman grinned as she unsheathed her claws. 'A good old-fashioned catfight!'

'Hmm, how fitting…' Cheshire smirked as she got up to her feet. 'Cheshire and Catwoman.'

'Then let me wipe that Cheshire Grin off your face, sweetie.' Catwoman hissed as she lashed at Cheshire with her glove-mounted claws.

Cheshire easily caught the attack and kicked Catwoman in the gut.

'No, I don't think so…' Cheshire sighed. 'Bad kitty!'

'Mmrrowr!' Catwoman hissed as she leapt at Cheshire once more.

'A little too much catnip in your diet, don't you think?' Cheshire quipped as she rolled with Catwoman's attack and threw the feline criminal over her shoulder.

Catwoman just hissed in response and tried to slash at Cheshire with her claws again.

'Why so glum, Selina?' Cheshire asked. 'Has Batman found a new playmate? I hear he's shacked up with Wonder Woman now.'

'Don't you **_dare_** mention her name!' Catwoman hissed. 'Batman loves me! **_Me!_** Not some Amazon cow!'

'Saucer of milk, table three!' Cheshire quipped. 'Meow!'

And so the catfight went on, scratching, hissing, hair-pulling and bad jokes. Deadshot and the others were missing out on quite a sight…

* * *

**Elsewhere in Las Vegas-**

Somewhere in the city of Las Vegas, two of Cheshire's fellow Suicide Squaddies were hanging out in a swanky hotel. Jinx didn't have to be back with the Squad's newest recruit for a while so she and Blackfire decided to live it up a bit.

Jinx was sitting in the hot tub sipping champagne and munching on expensive chocolates while she waited for Blackfire to join her. Now, Jinx wouldn't actually call herself gay, but you couldn't resist somebody like Blackfire. The exiled Tameranian princess was hard to say no to. Add to that the fact that Tameranians were a very open race. The golden-skinned aliens were never known to keep their emotions hidden. Blackfire had even told her that same-sex relationships were common place with her people. That kind of thing was encouraged instead of shunned, like it generally was on Earth.

'Come on, Blackie…' Jinx called her friend. 'The water's starting to get cold and I'm starting to get all wrinkly.'

'Mmm, we don't want that, do we?' Blackfire chuckled as she slunk out of the bedroom clad in nothing but a skimpy white robe.

Jinx moved over so Blackfire could join her. Jinx couldn't help but appreciate just how well-made Tameranians were when her friend removed her robe.

'Enjoying the view?' Blackfire teased.

'Oh yes…' Jinx smiled in reply. 'I could eat you all up.'

'You do know that cannibalism is against he law, right?' Blackfire quirked an eyebrow.

'That never stopped us before.' Jinx shrugged. 'Want some bubbly?'

'Don't mind if I do.' Blackfire grinned eagerly. 'There's nothing I like more than sitting in a hot tub with a glass of champagne before seducing a beautiful young lady.'

'Oh, is that what you're thinking?' Jinx tutted. 'Then I'm afraid that I'll have to disappoint you there…'

Blackfire narrowed her eyes in suspicion. Jinx was plotting something…

'I was actually planning on seducing you myself…' Jinx admitted.

'Ooh. Somebody's developing a kinky side…' Blackfire chuckled as she leant in close and looked her friend in the eye. 'I trust that you're going to be gentle…'

'No promises…' Jinx smirked as she looked back at Blackfire. 'I usually make stuff up as I go along…'

'Such as?' Blackfire asked, her curiosity piqued.

Jinx's cheeky grin just widened as she ran her hand down Blackfire's side.

'Ooh, that's good…' Blackfire shivered in pleasure. 'What's next…?'

Jinx leant down and dotted gentle kisses on the alien princess' collarbone. That elicited another shiver of pleasure.

'Ooh, Jinxie…' Blackfire whimpered. 'You've done this before…'

'I learnt from the best.' Jinx smiled up at her friend. 'Now, for the icing on the cake…'

Blackfire's eyes widened in surprise.

'_Ooooh…_'

* * *

**Back in Suicide Squad HQ-**

Back with Cheshire and Catwoman, the two ladies' catfight was in full swing. Gone were thoughts of spiffy moves and witty comments, to be replaced by incoherent hissing, cussing and eye-gouging.

Even though Cheshire was heavily pregnant with Deadshot's child, she could still kick butt with the best of them, which Catwoman was well aware of.

Cheshire grabbed Catwoman by the hair and pulled her up to her feet.

'Now, are you going to tell me why you're here, or will I have to inject you with liquidised kitty litter?' Cheshire hissed threateningly in the feline fatale's ear.

Catwoman just hissed in reply and smacked Cheshire's face with the back of her head.

'Nobody gets to touch me like that!' Catwoman hissed. 'Not even Batman!'

Cheshire just scowled at her opponent as she wiped blood from her nose.

'You had better hope that there isn't any lasting damage, Selina…' Cheshire sneered. 'Because I'd rather not inject you with anything nasty.'

'You won't get a chance.' Catwoman sneered back. 'That bun in your oven's made you slow.'

'Tell that to the scratches on your back.' Cheshire retorted. 'I may be pregnant, but I can still give you a good thrashing.'

'This isn't getting anywhere…' Catwoman sighed. She may be in the middle of an adrenaline high, but it wasn't worth her getting killed. 'I didn't get paid to end up dead.'

Cheshire just stared at Catwoman in disbelief.

'What?' Cheshire sputtered. 'Who paid you?'

'I shouldn't really tell you…' Catwoman replied. 'Employee confidentiality and all that.'

'Tell me and I can assure you that you will be paid for the service.' Cheshire told her.

'Just how much are we talking about?' Catwoman asked.

'More than you can possibly imagine.' Cheshire smirked.

'Oh, I don't know…' Catwoman tapped her chin in thought. 'I can imagine an awful lot…'

'Then you'll get it.' Cheshire assured her. 'Now, who paid you to attack me?'

'Are you familiar with a gentleman called Roland Desmond?' Catwoman asked.

'Also know as Blockbuster.' Cheshire nodded. 'Yes, I know of him. I carried out a few jobs for him before I joined the Squad. Why?'

'Well, story has it that Rolly has a big mad-on for you.' Catwoman explained. 'Now, I don't usually do mercenary work, but I'm kinda owe the big lummox.'

'I think I know why we wants to kill me…' Cheshire thought out loud. 'Several weeks ago, we were assigned to intercept a drugs shipment that belonged to him. The damages must have cost him quite a bit.'

'Not to mention the henchmen that ended up fricasseed.' Catwoman nodded.

'I had nothing to do with that…' Cheshire held up her hands in defence. 'That was all Firefly and Scorch's doing. Damn pyromaniacs.'

'So what are we gonna do know?' Catwoman asked. 'Rally up the Squaddies and go kick Rolly's ass?'

'What do you mean _we?_' Cheshire retorted. 'You will have no part of this!'

'Well, I was kind enough to warn you about the bounty on your head.' Catwoman pointed out. 'It's the least you could do.'

'How do I know that you're not going to hand me over as soon as we get there?' Cheshire narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

'You'll just have to trust me.' Catwoman shrugged. 'Besides, you'll have the rest of the Squaddies by your side. I'd be mental to try anything.'

'Hmm, I guess you're right…' Cheshire sighed. 'Just give me a moment to notify the others.'

Catwoman clapped her hands excitedly.

'Oh, this is wonderful! Cheshire and Catwoman teaming up together! It's a fanboy's dream!'

Cheshire just shook her head.

'I have a really bad feeling about this…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Blockbusted!**

_The Suicide Squad travels to Blüdhaven to take on Blockbuster. But first they will have to contend with his army of mercenaries and assassins. Not everybody will return home from the mission. Who will live and who will die? Tune in next time to find out…_


	9. Blockbusted!

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 9: Blockbusted!**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to DC._

* * *

**The skies above Blüdhaven-**

The S-Wing, the Suicide Squad's very own transport jet, zipped through the skies above Blüdhaven. If you thought that Gotham was a wretched hive of scum and villainy, then you hadn't been to Blüdhaven. The police force was notoriously corrupt. Most of the police officers were in the pocket of the city's very own top gangster, the super-strong giant known as Blockbuster.

Blockbuster had put a price on Cheshire's head, for one reason or another, and Catwoman was the first to answer the call. Cheshire managed to pay the Feline Fatale off before too much bodily damage could be done. Blockbuster's days were numbered. Nobody crossed the Suicide Squad and lived to tell the tale. As Brother Blood and Cadmus could very well tell you, if they were still alive.

Deadshot, the Squad's team leader, looked around at his team. He had made the decision to leave the Squad's two youngest members, Jinx and Blackfire, out of the mission. There would inevitably be a large amount of bloodshed. The two young former villains didn't need to see that.

Deadshot sighed heavily as he caught the eye of his fellow Squaddie, and the mother of his unborn child, Cheshire.

'There is really no need to worry, Floyd, my darling.' Cheshire reassured him. 'I may be heavily pregnant, but I can still look after myself.'

'I just wish that you stayed back at the Complex with Doc Mid-Nite.' Deadshot sighed. 'This mission is gonna be dangerous.'

Cheshire rolled up the bottom of Deadshot's mask and gently kissed him on the lips.

'You're cute when you're concerned.' The Vietnamese assassin smiled.

With that Deadshot pulled his mask back down and turned to address the rest of the Squad.

'Right, this is it, guys.' Deadshot explained. 'There's no time for being subtle. Let's just go in there and show Blockbuster not to screw with the Squad!'

'Does this mean we get free reign to use gratuitous violence?' Killer Frost piped up hopefully.

'Knock yourself out, Frosty.' Deadshot replied. 'Just leave Blockbuster to me.'

'Booyah!' Killer Frost crowed as she and Power Girl high-fived. 'I finally get to cut loose!'

'Bizarro am going to crush heads.' The imperfect Superman chuckled as he cracked his knuckles.

'You and me both, B.' Giganta replied with a grin. 'But I'll have to go easy. Blood is real a _bitch _to wash out when it get in-between my toes.'

'It's a pity that we're not gonna go up against the Flash, though.' Captain Boomerang added with a sad sigh as he twirled a boomerang around his finger. 'I've been hankerin' to give that flamin' gallah a whuppin' for quite some time.'

'I'm just happy that I get to burn somebody.' Firefly shrugged, not even turning away from the lighter that he kept on clicking on and off. 'I've barely had enough time to use my talents fully.'

'You and me both, babe.' Scorch purred as she laid her head on the pyromaniac's shoulder. 'Somebody's gonna burn!'

* * *

**Blockbuster's Blüdhaven hideaway-**

Blockbuster's mansion hideaway was a veritable fortress. He spared no expense on security measures. There was also his small army of mercenaries and assassins that he used for odd-jobs. Y'know, the usual. Liquidating opponents, collecting money from late-payers, same old.

Two such mercs were Stallion and the Electrocutioner. Stallion as just your regular run-of-the-mill dim-witted enforcer type that dressed as a cowboy. The Electrocutioner however, was much more impressive. He used a specially-made exoskeleton that could shoot out blasts of electricity. Not that those electricity blasts would be any use against their new guests.

'Hey, d'you hear that?' Stallion narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

'Aww. Yer ears are playin' tricks on ya.' The Electrocutioner rolled his eyes.

'Nuh-uh.' Stallion shook his head. 'I really heard somethin'.

'You're an idiot, Stallion.' The Electrocutioner sighed.

Unfortunately for the pair, Stallion's hearing wasn't playing tricks on them. That much was proven as a pair of deathly-pale hands punched through the wall and grabbed Stallion by the neck. With one swift squeeze, the enforcer's neck was snapped like a rotten twig.

'Goodbye!' Bizarro grinned as he burst through the hole and tossed Stallion's corpse away like it weighed nothing at all.

'Stallion! No!' Electrocutioner yelled as he pointed his electro-gauntlets at the imperfect clone. 'You'll fry for that, freak!'

However, before the Electrocutioner could even shoot off one single spark, he was squashed into goo by a giant sandal-wearing foot.

'Ooh. He squishes good.' Giganta snickered. She then frowned as she looked at her foot. 'Aww, hell. He's all over my foot like doggie doo.'

'Bizarro hate that too.' The imperfect clone nodded in sympathy.

* * *

**Inside-**

The Suicide Squad was storming Blockbuster's secret hideaway. The giant gangster's army of mercs didn't have a chance.

Brutale, a South American assassin that specialised in throwing knives, had just been speared through the heart by one of Captain Boomerang's razor-sharp boomerangs.

'Crikey!' The Australian Rogue grunted as he pressed his foot on Brutale's corpse as a means of leverage to remove his boomerang. 'The blighter's in tight!'

'Just forget the boomerang, Digger.' Killer Frost grumbled as she froze some miscellaneous heavies. 'We're got a mission to take care of, remember?'

'You stop freezin' people, an' I'll stop slicig' them up with boomerangs, Sheila.' Captain Boomerang shot back.

Killer Frost just rolled her eyes and gave the frozen heavies a good kick, shattering them all into a thousand pieces.

Elsewhere, Firefly and Scorch were taking on the muscle-bound enforcer in a gimp mask known as Bane.

'Your fire cannot hurt me, fools!' Bane snorted as he simply shrugged off the two Squaddies' onslaught. 'I am invincible!'

'Invincible this, sucker!' Firefly yelled as he swung a punch at Bane. Unfortunately, Bane easily caught the punch.

'That was a foolish move, Firefly.' Bane tutted as he pulled Firefly up to eye level. 'Now you leave yourself open to a back-breaking bl-**_AAAARRRGHHH!_**'

Bane's taunts were abruptly cut short as a blood-stained white glove emerged from his chest.

'Need a little help, guys?' Power Girl asked as she pulled her hand out from the newly-created hole in Bane's chest.

'We coulda taken him.' Scorch sniffed.

'Yeah. Cuz you were doing such a good job so far.' Power Girl rolled her eyes.

Firefly eyed Power Girl's blood-stained form warily.

'Is that somebody's arm?' The pyromaniac asked as he noticed a disembodied arm tucked into Power Girl's belt.

'I think the guy's name was Shrike.' Power Girl shrugged. She looked at the two fire-wielders, a puzzled expression on her face. 'What? It's not like he'll be using it anymore.'

'I don't even want to know what you did with him…' Scorch shook her head with a grimace. 'Let's just go find this Blockbuster guy, shall we?'

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

While the other Squaddies occupied themselves with the lackeys, Deadshot and Cheshire were on the hunt for the big boss: Blockbuster. They had reached the penthouse suite and were about to storm inside.

'Are you sure you don't to wait for the others?' Deadshot asked concernedly. 'Let Bizarro go first. Then we'll find out if there's a trap waiting for us without anybody getting hurt.'

Cheshire just shook her head good-naturedly.

'Now Floyd. If we were able to make it this far, don't you think that we'd be able to take care of one tiny little trap?'

'Just being cautious, is all.'

'Ready, dearest?' Cheshire smirked as she prepared to kick the door down.

'Ready.' Deadshot nodded.

Unfortunately, Cheshire never got to kick the door down.

_BLAM!_

'Cheshire! _NOOOO!_' Deadshot yelled as his teammate, and lover, was sent sprawling backwards by a bullet to the chest.

'Awww, isn't that sweet? The sell-out's concerned for his cow.' The mercenary and former nemesis of the Teen Titans named Slade Wilson: Deathstroke, but more well-known as Deathstroke, shook his head as he twirled his gun around his finger and popped it back into its holster.

Deadshot whirled around and pointed his wrist Magnums at Slade.

'You're going to **_die_** for that, Slade!' Deadshot hissed. 'So help me God…'

'What? No hug for an old buddy?' Slade chuckled as he threw his arms wide. 'Oh, well. I guess I'll have to kill you now…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Deadshot Vs Deathstroke!**

_Exactly what it says on the tin. Deadshot Vs Deathstroke. What about Cheshire? Is she dead? How much of the Suicide Squad will still be left to take on Blockbuster? Tune in next time to find out…_


	10. Deadshot Vs Deathstroke!

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 10: Deadshot Vs Deathstroke!**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to DC._

* * *

**Blockbuster's penthouse, Blüdhaven-**

'I'll kill you for this, you bastard!' Deadshot howled as he threw a punch at Deathstroke. 'I loved Cheshire! She was carrying my child, for Christ's sake!'

Deathstroke easily dodged the punch and lashed out with a nasty backhand in return.

'Oh, she only would have screwed you over in the end.' Deathstroke tutted. 'Women are like that. Oh, and by the way, you're telegraphing your moves.'

'Telegraph _this!_' Deadshot growled as he lashed out with a nasty headbutt.

Deathstroke stumbled backwards with a grunt.

'Pretty good.' Deathstroke nodded as he wiped a trickle of blood form his nose. 'But not good enough. Come on, give me your best shot!'

Deadshot sneered in anger under his mask as he lashed out with another punch. Unfortunately, Deathstroke easily caught the punch and twisted Deadshot around.

'Floyd, Floyd, Floyd...' Deathstroke tutted again. 'I thought you were supposed to be a badass.'

Deadshot grunted under the strain as he twisted his free arm around so he could reach Deathstroke's holster.

'Oh no, no, no. That won't do at all.' Deathstroke shook his head as he gave Deadshot's arm a nasty yank.

'Ahh! Dammit! Sonova...'

'Oh, such a potty mouth.' Deathstroke tutted disapprovingly. 'What ever would Cheshire say? Oh yes, that's right.. She's dead! She wouldn't say anything. Silly me. I must be getting forgetful in my old age.'

'You just keep laughing, Slade.' Deadshot hissed. 'You'll soon get yours.'

'I dare say I shall.' Deathstroke countered. 'I'm sure that my past exploits have earned me a one-way trip down to Satan's giant barbeque pit, but I don't intend on going just yet.'

Deathstroke gave Deadshot's arm one final tug, breaking it. Deadshot yelled in pain once more.

'A-heh. Is that all you've got?' Deadshot chuckled through the pain. 'Come on Slade. If you're such a legendary badass, you _must_ be able to do better than that.'

'Just keep on pressing my buttons and you'll find out just what I can do.' Deathstroke retorted.

Deadshot grinned under his mask as he pulled a knife out of a sheath on his leg.

'Will this do?' Deadshot inquired as he slashed at Deathstroke's face, cutting a shallow gash under his eye and slicing off part of his mask to reveal that Deathstroke had an eye patch over his right eye.

'Avast ye matey!' Deadshot quipped. I see that thee has an eye patch! _Arrr!_'

'You shut your mouth!' Deathstroke yelled furiously.

'Oh, what's the matter?' Deadshot snickered. 'Did I hit a nerve?'

'I said... _SHUT YOUR MOUTH!_' Deathstroke bellowed as he gave Deadshot a savage punch to the gut.

Unseen by the two combatants, the rest of the Suicide Squad appeared through the doorway.

Captain Boomerang stood stock still as soon as he saw the brawl going on inside the room.

'Crikey! Lawton's takin' on Slade!'

'D'you think we should help him?' Giganta asked concernedly.

Deathstroke turned on the newly-arrived Squaddies.

'You stay out of this!' Deathstroke ordered. 'This is between me and Lawton!'

Deadshot took the distraction as his moment to move and plunged his purloined knife into Deathstroke's useless right eye, eliciting a howl of pain. **(1)**

Before Deadshot could even celebrate in victory, Deathstroke gave him a vicious kick to the chest.

'_I'LL KILL YOU!_' The one-eyed mercenary yelled as he yanked the knife from his ruined eye socket.

Deadshot tried to counter with something witty, but soon found himself being bludgeoned underneath a barrage of savage punches.

'Heh.' Deadshot spat blood from his mouth and smirked cockily. 'You're getting old, Slade. I'm still standing. What's the matter? Your nurse forget your medication? Oh, and another thing, what _was_ all that with the Teen Titans? Stalking a bunch of kids? Kind of skanky, if you ask me.' **(2)**

Deathstroke bristled with rage. Now, Slade Wilson was usually an even-tempered individual, but Deadshot had just pushed his buttons. Getting stabbed in the eye was enough to piss _anybody_ off.

Deathstroke got ready to give Deadshot a killing blow, but then noticed that his opponent was laughing.

'What are you laughing at, you idiot?' Deathstroke growled. 'I'm about to kill you, yet here you are, laughing your head off. You must be more insane that I ever thought!'

'Deadshot isn't the one that is going to die tonight.' A sultry female voice purred behind him.

Deathstroke barely had time to turn around before several shots rang out.

_BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!_

Deathstroke clutched the quartet of bullet wounds on his chest and fell to his knees.

'You were... dead.' Deathstroke coughed weakly. 'How...?'

'Bullet-proof costume.' Cheshire pointed out as she quickly pulled out Deathstroke's sword from its scabbard. 'Now to show you what happens to people that mess with the Suicide Squad...'

Deathstroke didn't make a move to stop the Vietnamese assassin as she held his sword above his head. His days were numbered. If he didn't bleed to death from the four bullet wounds in his chest, the remaining Squaddies would undoubtably be able to catch up with him and tear him to shreds.

'I wish that I could say that it's been a pleasure...' Cheshire sighed tiredly. 'But... it hasn't.'

Deathstroke didn't close his eyes when Cheshire used his own sword against him. He didn't want to hide from his death. He wanted to welcome it.

* * *

**Suicide Squad Complex, a few days later-**

Deathstroke had been defeated and Blockbuster's penthouse fortress had been destroyed. Presently, the Suicide Squad had convened in the briefing room. Several Squaddies had some news that they wanted to discuss.

Deadshot had his arm in a sling, but was otherwise fine.

'Right, let's get this meeting started...' Deadshot began. 'Long story short, Firefly, Scorch, Jinx, Blackfire, and Power Girl are leaving us.'

'Aww, and I felt like I was getting alone so well with you, Bic Head.' Killer Frost snickered in Scorch's direction.

'I love you too, Frosty.' Scorch rolled her eyes.

'If you guys would let me continue?' Deadshot sighed. 'Now, I won't bore you with the details of _why_ they want to leave, because that's their business. The Suicide Squad was never about forcing people to stay, so if anybody else feels that they want to leave, speak up now.'

'I'm fine where I am fer now, mate.' Captain Boomerang nodded.

'Same here.' Giganta shrugged.

'Bizarro am liking it here.' The imperfect clone piped up.

'It's better than being in jail.' Killer Frost sniffed. 'I get to kick ass without fear of getting in a fight with any of those Justice League losers.'

'It's a pity that we'll be using you all.' Cheshire added. 'You were all good friends.'

'Hey, don't worry, Chesh.' Power Girl grinned. 'I'll still keep in contact with you while I'm doing my thing with the JLI.'

'Us too.' Jinx added. 'Me and Blackfire are gonna travel across the States. I don;t know where we'll end up though.'

'I always fancied going to LA.' Blackfire pointed out. 'Ooh. perhaps we could go to Florida. I hear they have a bitching nudist beach there!'

'You Sheilas never stop, do you?' Captain Boomerang snickered. 'Y'know, I like lesbians an' all, but... You two are too much.'

'What's the matter, old man?' Blackfire smirked. 'Can't keep it up with the young 'uns?'

'Oh, I can keep it up just fine, thanks.' Captain Boomerang narrowed his eyes at the young alien. 'I haven't heard no complaints recently.'

'That's because you haven't had any ever since you joined the Squad, dumbass.' Killer Frost butted in with a smirk. 'And that freaky ex-wife of yours. What's her name? Captain Cold's sister...'

'Golden Glider.' Giganta remembered.

'That's the one.' Killer Frost nodded in thanks. 'Anyway, she's getting up to who-knows-what with her new boy-toy. Chillblaine, wasn't it?'

Deadshot shook his head as he watched his team bickering. Not that you'd hear him admit it, but he'd miss those that were leaving.

'So, who are our replacements?' Firefly cocked his head. 'Not some second-rate losers like Digger and his buddies, I hope.'

'Stick it up yer arse, Lynns.' Captain Boomerang sneered.

'I'm glad that you asked that, actually.' Deadshot grinned. 'Digger and Frost, you're gonna travel to Gotham to recruit the first pair of new members. And Bizarro and Giganta, you're to travel to Metropolis to recruit our second pair of new guys.'

'Oh, goodie.' Killer Frost groaned in to her hands. 'We're going to Gotham. I just know that it's gonna end well. I bet you any amount of money that we're gonna have to contend with the Dork Knight and the rest of his crew. You know how he gets when other metas arrive in Gotham.'

'I'm lookin' forward to it.' Captain Boomerang smiled as he twirled a boomerang gin his hand. 'I always wanted to give Bats a kick up the arse...'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Recruitment Drive**

_The four Squaddies go recruitin'. Captain Boomerang and Killer Frost go to Markham Asylum for Harley and Ivy, while Giganta and Bizarro go to Metropolis to enlist Parademon and Ragdoll._

_Also, look out for Power Girl in future chapters of _'The Uncanny Superbuddies' _and _'Uncanny Fire and Ice.' _Jinx and Blackfire will be appearing in an upcoming _'Uncanny Justice League' _spin-off starring Starfire. Surprisingly enough, it is called... _'Uncanny Starfire'._ Look out for it soon._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_The very same thing happened to Deathstroke in '_Identity Crisis'_. Green Arrow stabbed him in the eye with an arrow._

**(2)- **_If you thought this was skanky, you should have seen Deathstroke during the '_Judas Contract_' arc in '_New Teen Titans'_. He and Terra actually... Eww! I'd rather not go into it. You guys make your own minds up. I don't wanna go there._


	11. Recruitment Drive

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 11: Recruitment Drive**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to DC._

* * *

**Arkham Asylum, Gotham City-**

Harleen Quinzel was sitting in one of Arkham's observation rooms with her very close friend Pamela Isley. Gotham's general populace knew the two women as Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy: two of Batman's most deadliest Rogues.

The pair had no idea why they had been brought to the observation rooms from the relative comfort of their cells in Arkham's shadowed nether regions. It couldn't be for parole, because they both knew their next parole hearing wasn't due for months.

Harley scratched the spot on her wrist where her cuffs were beginning to chafe.

'What's keepin' 'em, Red?' Harley whined impatiently. 'This ain't no parole hearing.'

'I wish I could tell you, Harl.' Ivy shook her head slightly. 'They could have at least put us in one of the observation rooms that faced the sunrise. I'm starting to wilt...'

'D'you want me to call a guard to get ya a glass of water?' Harley offered.

'Would you?' Ivy rubbed her throat. 'I'm parched.'

Harley turned to the door and hollered for attention.

'Yo! Rent-a-cops! We gonna get some service in here, or what?'

Ivy shook her head with a sigh.

'Smooth, Harley. Real smooth.'

Thankfully, Ivy was in no danger of dehydration, as their guests soon entered the room. One was a guy with relatively short red-brown hair dressed in a blue suit with a white boomerang motif. he was also wearing a little blue hat, and a white scarf. With him was an unusually pale woman with blue hair dressed in a low-cut blue one-piece. They were George 'Digger' Harkness and Louise Lincoln, also known as Captain Boomerang and Killer Frost of the Suicide Squad.

Harley could barely believe her eyes at the sight of one of her old cellmates.

'Lou?' Harley's mouth fell open in surprise. 'Izzat really you?'

'Yeah. it's me, Harl.' Killer Frost smiled as she took a seat.

'What're you doin' here?' Harley wondered. 'You gonna spring us?'

'Harley, I doubt that these two are here to break us out.' Ivy pointed out somewhat bitterly. 'They work for the good guys now. They sold us out.'

'Oh, you wound us, Ivy.' Captain Boomerang clutched his heart dramatically. 'But really, we've got a proposition for ya. basically ya do a little bit o' work fer the government. Takin' care of problem metahumans and stuff, then ya get yer freedom.'

'It's tempting, but we're not interested.' Ivy sniffed. 'I'd rather rot in here than sell out my friends.'

'_What_ friends?' Killer Frost countered in a deadpan voice. 'Harley's the only friend that you've got.'

Ivy sighed heavily and turned to her friend, and usual partner in crime.

'Okay Harl, what do you say? Do you want to sell out the Joker and go work with the white-hats?'

'Screw the Joker, I wanna do some good for once.' Harley answered. 'He never treats me with the respect I deserve! I was always loyal to him, and how did he reward me? Screwing me over, again and again!'

Ivy stared at her friend in disbelief. She had never heard Harley be so outspoken against her beloved Mistah J. Ivy had seen Harley rebel against the Joker many times, but she would always return to her precious Puddin's side. She hoped that Harley was serious this time.

'W-well... I think that's a yes.' Ivy scratched her head. 'So I guess I'm in as well.'

'You won't regret it. Ivy.' Killer Frost smiled thankfully. 'Just give us a little time to get your gear together and we'll get you out of this urine-soaked hellhole.'

'Uh, Frosty...?' Captain Boomerang piped up jokingly. 'I think they prefer it to be called a pee-pee-soaked heck hole.'

'Buncha freaking pansies if you ask me.' Killer Frost sniffed. 'Well, welcome to the Suicide Squad, guys. We hope you survive.'

Harley leant over to whisper in Ivy's ear.

'Ain't really an optimistic beginning, is it?'

'They work for a team called the _Suicide Squad_, Harl.' Ivy sighed. 'I don't think they _do_ optimistic.'

* * *

**Stryker's Island Penitentiary, Metropolis-**

Two figures walked out of a nondescript executive jet. One was a scruffy-looking man dressed in a purple Superman-likecostume and cape, while the other was a redheaded woman wearing a strange pink toga-type garment. They were Bizarro and Giganta of the Suicide Squad. And just like their teammates over in Gotham, they had come to recruit new members. Which would be harder than they thought, seeing that one of their prospective new recruits was presently tossing guards around like rag dolls.

The new recruit in question was a bulky grey-skinned male who was wearing a green-and-yellow costume. It was obvious that he wasn't from Earth. There was another figure nearby, trying to calm him down. This guy was scrawny with straggly red hair. He was dressed in a tattered black-and-white checkered clown suit.

'Nobody touches the Clown!' The bulky guy roared as he slammed one of the guards against a wall. 'Touch the Clown and die!'

'Parademon, you must calm yourself...' The scrawny guy said to the bulky monster soothingly. 'We have people coming to see us today. What would they say if they saw you acting like this?'

'Then they'd like your work.' Giganta complimentedas she stepped over the guards in her giant form. 'Hi, I'm Giganta. And my muscular friend is Bizarro.'

'Goodbye!' Bizarro waved.

'We're from the Suicide Squad.' Giganta continued. 'And we want you to come join us.'

Parademon crossed his arms over his chest.

'The Clown comes as well, or I am not coming at all.'

'The offer includes Ragdoll as well.' Giganta added. 'So, what do you say?'

Parademon and Ragdoll never had a chance to reply, as the head guard pushed his way to the front of the group.

'Hey! You can't do this! These two are deadly criminals! Parademon alone is awaiting five lifetime's imprisonment.'

'You am stupid head!' Bizarro frowned. 'We am here for good work! Now you am stop us from doing good. Bizarro am crush stupid heads!'

'B, don't...' Giganta tried to calm her friend. 'What do you think will happen if you start a fight here? It'll only attract Superman's attention. And we don't want that, do we?'

'No.' Bizarro shook his head. 'We am not want Superman coming here.'

'Good boy.' Giganta smiled. She then turned back to the guard. 'We're here on government work, sir. By stopping us doing our job, you are in violation of federal law.'

'See? Bizarro say they am stupid heads.' Superman's imperfect clone smirked.

'Not now, B.' Giganta shook her head. 'So, do we have to make a federal case out of this?'

The guard gulped nervously. He had heard rumours about the government's shadowy dealings. Clones, ways to take out metahumans, stuff like that. He had no choice but to relent.

'O-okay. Y-you can take them. Just... just make sure they don't get into trouble.'

'Oh, you can be sure that we'll be good.' Ragdoll smirked. 'Well, it's not as if you'll be able to do anything about it if we do get into trouble.'

'We do get to fight, do we not?' Parademon growled. 'I like to fight.'

'You am get to fight lots.' Bizarro answered. 'Suicide Squad am fighting lots of bad guys.'

'Well, I'm in.' Parademon smiled. 'Clown, what about you?'

'It will certainly be better than being cooped up in this pee-pee-soaked heck hole.'

'Heh.' Bizarro snorted. 'You am say pee-pee.'

'Heh. Pee-pee.' Parademon snickered in turn.

'Oh great.' Giganta groaned into her hands. 'We've just recruited the metahuman equivalent of Beavis and Butthead.'

'I agree.' Ragdoll nodded. 'It will be a very long journey out of this place.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Harley's Babies**

_The Brotherhood of Evil have kidnapped Bud and Lou, Harley's pet hyenas. Will the squad be able to rescue them from the Mallah the cheese-eating-surrender monkey and the Brain? Tune in next time to find out...  
_


	12. Harley's Babies: Part 1

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 12: Harley's Babies- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to DC._

* * *

**R-Man's Random Fact- **_The female spotted hyena has a fake penis. This is due to an overabundance of testosterone. It's mostly used to mark territory, not as a sexual organ._

* * *

**Suicide Squad HQ, Nevada-**

The Suicide Squad were sitting at the big round table in the briefing room with their newest members, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Parademon, and Ragdoll.

'I'm sorry that I had to call you guys to action so soon after your arrival.' Deadshot apologised to the new guys. 'But this is a mission that I don't think you will want to miss. Harley in particular.'

The Joker's former sidekick cocked a curious eyebrow.

'Ooh. A personal mission.' Harley grinned. 'What're we gonna do? Go kick the Joker in the pants? Skin him and keep his skull as a trophy? C'mon, work with me here...'

'It concerns your pet hyenas, Harley...' Deadshot continued as he activated the huge viewscreen behind him. It showed a picture of Harley hugging two rather big spotted hyenas.

'My babies!' Harley leapt out of her seat in horror. 'What's happened to my babies?'

'Calm down, Harl...' Ivy tried to placate her friend. 'Let Deadshot get to the point. Then we can find out what has happened to Bud and Lou.'

Harley quietened down and sat back in her seat.

'One of my contacts has just reported that the hyenas have been kidnapped. Their captors are reported to be the Brain and Monsieur Mallah, formerly of the Brotherhood of Evil.'

The picture on the viewscreen changed to that of a gorilla wearing a red beret and a bandolier slung over its shoulder. The gorilla was holding a metallic-looking skull-shaped device with a brain in a jar sitting atop its head.

'Oy...' Harley groaned into her hands. 'I knew I shouldn'ta played poker with those guys.'

Captain Boomerang blinked in confusion.

'Lemme get this straight...' The Australian boomerang-thrower pointed at Harley. 'These gallahs nicked yer hyenas cuz ya didn't play yer poker debts?'

'Uh... yes?' Harley smiled back innocently.

'Isn't that a _bit_ suicidal?' Giganta frowned. 'I mean, kidnapping the Joker's girlfriend's pet hyenas?'

'I'm not with the Joker anymore.' Harley pointed out. 'I've put up with his crap for long enough.'

Ivy put a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder.

'Don't worry, sweetie.' Ivy smiled gently. 'We'll make these bastards pay for kidnapping your babies.'

'Oh yeah, I'll make them pay all right.' Harley nodded, her expression suddenly turning dark. 'I'll make them pay... with interest!'

* * *

**Later-**

The Squad was now gathered on their stealth jet as they flew towards the Brotherhood of Evil's Swiss castle.

Harley was wringing her hands impatiently. She was eager to put some hurt on the Brotherhood of Evil. Nobody messed with Harley's hyenas and lived to tell the tale. Well, perhaps not Batman...

Captain Boomerang put the jet into hover mode, and stood up to address the rest of the group.

'Okay, seein' that Deadshot is still recoverin' from his injuries, he left me to be leader. Anybody got a problem?'

A murmur rose from the rest of the Squad.

'Good.' Captain Boomerang nodded. 'Everybody ready? Let's go!'

The squad followed Captain Boomerang as he leapt out of the jet and parachuted down to the ground. Bizarro and Parademon obviously didn't need parachutes as they could fly anyway.

Once everybody had landed safely, they released themselves from the parachutes and set off to try and find a way into the foreboding-looking castle.

'The schematics that Deadshot gave us say that there should be a secret entrance somewhere around here.' Captain Boomerang told the others. 'Unfortunately, it leads into the sewage pipes.'

'Oh, that's just lovely.' Killer Frost groused. 'We're gonna be wading through the poop. Super.'

Captain Boomerang ignored the psychotic ice-wielder's comments and looked at the handheld computer that was displaying the schematics to the castle.

'Okay then Sheilas and blokes, follow me!'

* * *

**Lavatory stalls somewhere in the castle-**

A miscellaneous guard walked into one of the many bathrooms that the castle had. The castle's toilets were the old kind that you would usually find in a castle. They were nothing more than a long plank of wood with holes cut out where you stuck your backside in. The waste then travelled down pipes to the cesspit at the bottom.

He was supposed to be on duty, but it wasn't as if a two minute toilet break would hurt anybody, was it?

The guard stopped in his tracks as he heard a gurgle coming from one of the toilets.

'Gotta be the wind.' The guard told himself. 'Old places like this are always drafty.'

The guard sat down and prepared to do his business. Then he saw something out of the corner of his eye. It was... a human arm?

The arm was soon followed by the rest of the body.

'Good morning.' Ragdoll smiled politely as he crawled out of the toilet. 'Beautiful day, don't you think?'

The guard just sat there dumbstruck. He didn't move a single muscle as several more people crawled out of the toilet.

'Well, that couldn't have been any more humiliating.' Giganta winced. 'I won't be able to wash the smell out for weeks!'

'What we do about him?' Bizarro asked, indicating the guard with a jerk of his thumb.

Parademon just grinned evilly and cracked his knuckles.

'I have an idea...'

Several seconds later, the guard was standing upside down with his head in the toilet. There was also a small puddle of water on the floor where the toilet had overflowed from the endless flushing.

'Heh.' Killer Frost snickered. 'That's what I call a killer swirlie.'

* * *

**Later-**

The squad had somehow managed to rid themselves of the spell of poo and continued on their way through the castle.

'I'm bettin' that the hyenas are bein' held somewhere in the lower levels.' Captain Boomerang whispered. 'We have to be careful. We don't wanna make this any more messy than it already is.'

Alarms began to blare all through the castle.

'Well, it looks like the stealthy idea is out of the question.' Ivy commented as armed soldiers began to flood out of the rooms around them.

'Intruders!' One guard yelled. 'Kill them!'

The guards opened fire on the Squad. Unfortunately, a bullet clipped Ragdoll on the shoulder.

'Clown!' Parademon growled. 'YOU HURT THE CLOWN! _NOBODY HURTS THE CLOWN!_'

Parademon charged at the guards with a fierce roar.

'You alright, Ragdoll?' Killer Frost checked up on her teammate.

'Yes, thank you.' Ragdoll nodded with a wince. 'I will live. Which is more than I can say for the Brotherhood of Evil.'

'Oh yeah, it looks like the stealthy option is _definitely_ out of the question now.' Ivy commented again as she nailed a guard right in-between the eyes with her wrist-mounted crossbow.

'I was never one for stealth anyway.' Killer Frost quipped as she froze a pair of unfortunate guards before shattering them into a thousand tiny pieces with a well-aimed kick.

Giganta stomped more guards into bloody paste.

'Is is me, or is Harley unusually quiet?'

'It's not you.' Ivy shook her head. 'Harley really loves her hyenas. I think she just wants to get them back.'

'I'm terribly sorry, but I cannot possibly allow you to do that.' A well-cultured voice piped up.

The Squad turned around to see a pale well-dressed man smirking arrogantly at them. The top of the man's head was transparent, revealing the brain underneath.

'Your psychic powers are useless against us, Psimon.' Captain Boomerang recognised the villain from the Suicide Squad's files. 'We've all got psychic dampeners in our heads.'

'Why said I was going to use my telepathy?' Psimon admire his nails nonchalantly. 'I'm also telekinetic, you know.'

'Excuse am?'

Psimon frowned at the interruption.

'What the...?'

Psimon trailed away as he turned around to see Bizarro.

'Am you want see Bizarro's Three Stooges impression?'

Psimon blinked in confusion.

'What?'

'Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk.' Bizarro snickered as he poked Psimon in the eyes. Given Bizarro's superhuman strength, the imperfect clone ended up poking his fingers straight through Psimon's head.

'Whoops.' Bizarro smiled embarrassedly as he waved his hand up and down in an effort to get Psimon off his hand.

'Hey! Watch it!' Killer Frost held up her hands in an attempt to protect herself from the shower of gore and bits of brain. 'Do you mind? I just washed my hair!'

'I'm glad you're all enjoying this.' Harley finally piped up. 'But the more time we waste screwing around, the more time these bastards have to hurt my babies!'

'It's all right, Harl...' Ivy comforted her friend. 'We'll find the hyenas and make these monsters pay. Right guys?'

Parademon chose to answer for the group.

'_TOUCH THE BABIES AND DIE!_'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Harley's Babies- Part 2**

_The Suicide Squad take on the Mallah and the Brain and their Brotherhood of Evil. Introducing: The KGBeast, Manchester Black, and Zod!_


	13. Harley's Babies: Part 2

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 13: Harley's Babies- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to DC._

* * *

**Somewhere in Switzerland-**

The Brotherhood of Evil's secret Swiss castle hideout was in a right state. Monsieur Mallah and the Brain had done a very foolish thing. They had kidnapped Harley Quinn's pet hyenas, Bud and Lou. That had, of course, incurred the wrath of Harley's new friends, the Suicide Squad.

The Squad was presently wading through the seemingly unending stream of soldiers. Even though the soldiers greatly outnumbered the Suicide Squad, they still had no chance against the team of 'reformed' supervillains. Unlike other superhero teams such as the Justice League or the Teen Titans, the Suicide Squad had no trouble with killing their enemies.

Captain Boomerang threw his razor-sharp boomerangs about, nailing miscellaneous soldiers here, there, and everywhere. Giganta grew to a giant size and stomped guards into mush. Bizarro and Parademon tore guards in half with their super-strength. Killer Frost froze them solid with her ice powers. Poison Ivy shot the guards with her wrist-mounted crossbow. Ragdoll leapt all over the place, wrapping his limbs around the guards and crushing them to death. Then there was Harley. The Joker's former partner was swinging her giant novelty mallet about with ruthless abandon. The red-and-black-clad former villainess was unusually grim. The Brotherhood of Evil had kidnapped her beloved hyenas. They would pay with their lives.

Fortunately, it didn't take the Suicide Squad very long to deal with the first wave of guards. They were finally able to take a breath before they continue onwards.

Giganta looked down at her bloodstained uniform.

'Tch. Will you look at that?' The redheaded woman tutted as she scrubbed at some bloodstains. 'Blood is always a bitch to clean. And on top of that, I've got bits of guards stuck in-between my toes. It's worse than getting sand in your butt crack!'

'Then you shoulda wore your new boots.' Killer Frost responded. 'Why didn't you?'

'They don't match my outfit.' Giganta explained. 'I can't go to work in an ensemble that clashes.'

Captain Boomerang took a look at the digital readout that he had in his hands.

'We shouldn't be too far from where they're keepin' the hyenas.' He told the others.

'Then why are we standing here?' Harley asked. 'Let's get a move on and take these bastards down!'

Captain Boomerang led the rest of the Squad away to find Harley's hyenas. Killer frost stopped for a moment and started to whisper to Poison Ivy.

'I knew that Harley loves her pet hyenas, but don't you think this is a bit much? I mean, I know Harley hasn't exactly been the most sane clown in the circus troupe, but shouldn't she calm down a little?'

'Harley wants her hyenas back.' Ivy explained. 'Ever since dumped the Joker, Bud and Lou have been her only friends.'

'When you say _dumped, _I take it you mean that literally.' Killer Frost guessed.

'Oh yeah.' Ivy nodded. 'The police found the Joker underneath half a tonne of garbage. He was lucky to be alive.'

'You do realise that leaving him alive will only mean that he'll hunt Harley down and try to get revenge, right?' Killer Frost realised.

'He'll have to go through me first.' Ivy responded. 'I'm not going to let that son of a bitch hurt my best friend.'

'And that's another thing...' Killer Frost continued with a smirk. 'Just how much of a best friend_, is_ Harley?'

Ivy looked right at the ice-wielding psycho flatly.

'Would it be a problem if Harley and I are more than friends?' She asked. Captain Boomerang grinned when he heard that.

'Not that I can think of.' Killer Frost shrugged. 'We all gotta get our kicks somehow.'

* * *

**Several levels down-**

It didn't take the Suicide Squad very long to find out the location of Harley's hyenas. One of the guards had been more than happy to blab their location. Well, to be fair, Parademon was torturing the guy to begin with.

Captain Boomerang signalled everybody to stay where they were and to stay quiet. There were no guards about. It was almost too quiet.

'What are we waiting for?' Harley grumbled impatiently. 'The more time we waste standing with our thumbs up our butts, the more time these bastards have to torture my Babies.'

'We can't just run straight in there, Harl.' Ivy comforted her friend. 'There's no telling what sort of traps the Brotherhood of Evil have got in there.'

Ragdoll carefully took a peep around the corner. The gaudily-dressed contortionist was send smashing against the wall for his trouble by an invisible force. That was enough to make Parademon roar in anger.

**_'CLOWN!_**' The hulking behemoth bellowed in rage. **_'YOU HURT THE CLOWN! YOU DIE NOW!'_**

The rest of the Squad tried to hold Parademon back, but ended up being thrown backwards as the former servant of Darkseid charged forward.

'You eager for a beatin' just like yer mate, eh guv?' A man dressed in a long black trenchcoat over a Union Jack t-shirt smirked cockily. 'Well, I'm willin' ta oblige.'

'Him am Manchester Black.' Bizarro recognised the man instantly. 'Bizarro am met him in Ryker's.'

'Shouldn't we help them?' Giganta asked her fellows.

'Let's not be so hasty.' Captain Boomerang shook his head, smirking. 'Let's see what 'Demon's gonna do.'

Manchester Black lashed out with another telekinetic blast, aiming to knock Parademon out of the window. But the grey-skinned monster was a little more hardy than that.

Parademon grabbed Manchester Black by the throat and removed his bandolier, putting it around the evil Brit's neck. The bandolier started to make a pinging sound.

_Ping-Ping-Ping-Ping-Ping..._

'What the bloody 'ell is that?' Manchester Black croaked.

'Ten Mother Boxes.' Parademon explained. 'I liberated them from some of New Genesis's fiercest warriors. I have just activated their self-destruct mechanisms.'

Before Manchester Black could even make a move to defend himself, Parademon threw him straight through the window and dove for cover.

The rest of the Suicide Squad followed suit as the Mother Boxes exploded, blowing a gaping hole in the wall.

_**BLAMMO!**_

'Well, that sure showed him.' Giganta tutted as she dusted herself off. 'And if bloodstains weren't bad enough, I've got dust and bits of masonry in my hair.'

Parademon knelt down the stunned Ragdoll.

'Clown, are you well?' Parademon asked concernedly.

'I am... fine, thank you Parademon.' Ragdoll smiled. 'I should have been more cautious.'

Parademon smiled to himself. He was glad that Ragdoll wasn't hurt too bad. Apokalips knows what he would have done if anything bad happened to the Clown.

Captain Boomerang shielded his eyes as something took off outside, kicking up even more dust and masonry.

'Bugger! They're getting away!' The Antipodean boomerang-wielder growled. 'We have to get after them!'

'No, leave them.' Harley shook her head. 'We're here for the hyenas. We can hunt for Mallah and the Brain later. I just wanna see my Babies.'

'That is why we're here, after all.' Ivy nodded. 'We're not here to take down the Brotherhood of Evil, we're here to rescue Bud and Lou.'

Captain Boomerang just crossed his arms over his chest with a scowl. he hated letting the bad guys get away. But as Harley said, they could hunt the rest fo the Brotherhood down another day.

High up above their heads, the Brotherhood of Evil's escape craft was making a getaway. The super-genius gorilla known as Monsieur Mallah looked down at the remains of the Brotherhood's castle hideout.

'Do not worry, Mallah.' The Brain's mechanised voice comforted the gorilla. 'We 'ave many more secret hideaways.'

'But ah liked our Swiss castle.' Mallah sighed. 'We cannot ski in our underwater Florida base. And ze chocolate in our headquarters underneath Mount Kilimanjaro is sub-par at best.'

'At least we 'ave lived to tell ze tale.' The Brain countered. 'Which is more than ah can say for Psimon and Manchester Black.'

'Ah did not like zem.' Mallah frowned. 'Manchester Black smelled like cheap whiskey and even cheaper cigarettes.'

'Fear not, mah dear Mallah.' The Brain chuckled slightly. 'We shall fahnd more allies tomorrow nahght.'

Mallah cocked his head in confusion.

'Why, what are we going to do tomorrow nahght, Brain?'

'Ze same thing we do every nahght, Mallah...' The Brain chuckled evilly. _'Try to take over ze world!'_

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Downtime**

_What does the Suicide Squad do when they're not kicking ass around the world? They kick back and have some fun! Captain Boomerang takes a tour around Las Vegas's bars! Parademon and Ragdoll go gambling! Killer Frost goes to see Elvis! Bizarro and Giganta go to Hoover Dam! Harley and Ivy take the Babies for walkies!_


	14. Downtime: Part 1

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 14: Downtime- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'I kinda liked it when he made the pooping noises'._

* * *

**Las Vegas-**

Las Vegas, Nevada. A place of gambling, gambling, and... more gambling. the whole place was enough to make even the most cynical person (_cough-Batman-cough_) look up and go _'Ooh, pretty...' _But George 'Digger' Harkness, aka the sort-of reformed boomerang-throwing Rogue known imaginatively as Captain Boomerang, wasn't all that bothered about looking up and enjoying The Strip's pretty, pretty lights. He was slumped over a bar with a nearly empty glass of beer in his hand.

'Gimmie 'nother...' The Antipodean boomerang-wielder slurred drunkenly. 'No... On second thoughts, gimmie a bottle o' Scotch. An' I don' mean none o' that cheap crap ya usually fob yer punters off with...'

'A _bottle _of Scotch?' The barman blinked incredulously.

'You heard me.' Digger retorted. 'Now, gimmie some bloody Scotch!'

'Fair enough.' The barman shrugged as he turned to look for the Scotch. 'I ain't your momma...'

Digger propped himself up with a hand and grabbed a handful of complimentary peanuts. He then started to try and toss them into his mouth. He missed every time.

'Ow! Sod it! Bugger! Christ! Strewth!'

'For a guy that can kill a man with a boomerang at five-hundred paces, you'd think that you'd be able to catch a measly little peanut in your mouth.'

Digger turned around, almost falling off his barstool. The boomerang-throwing former Rogue caught himself and took a look at the stranger. It took a moment for the drunken Australian's eyesight to focus on the visitor. It was a woman with long blonde hair, clad in a shiny gold dress.

'Hey Digger, long time no see.'

'Lisa Snart...' Digger mumbled. 'What brings you to this neck of the woods? You get fed up of yer boy toys?'

Lisa Snart was otherwise known as the Golden Glider, a former ice-skating champion turned Rogue. She was Leonard Snart's sister. He was also known as Captain Cold. Lisa was also Digger's estranged wife.

Lisa took a seat beside digger and motioned to the barman.

'Gimmie a vodka. With ice and a slice of lemon.'

Lisa then turned to Digger.

'Do I need a reason to see my husband?' Lisa asked. 'Besides, I could never remember the names of all those Chillblaines I recruited.'

'What ever happened to them?' Digger wondered out loud. 'You actually chucked 'em in?'

'You know I only ever had eyes for you, George...' Lisa smiled sweetly. 'I hope you can forgive me for running out on you like that.'

A small smile spread on Digger's face as he looked back at his wife. The alcohol may have been doing most of the thinking for him, but the way Lisa looked in that gold dress, he didn't rightly care.

'Aww, bugger it. I could never stay mad at you.'

Lisa leant in closer to Digger and whispered in his ear.

'So, what do you say we find a motel somewhere and get... reacquainted?'

'Best idea I ever had.' Digger smirked as he took Lisa by the hand and led her away.

'What about our drinks?' Lisa timinded him as she jerked her thumb in the direction of the bar.

'Oh. Right.' Digger nodded in understanding. 'Drinks first, then the shenanigans.'

* * *

**Hoover Dam-**

The infamous Hoover Dam was full of tourists looking around one of Nevada's most famous landmarks. People were taking pictures and admiring the view. A small boy was walking along the railing, completely ignoring his mother's warnings. Two such tourists were Bizarro and Giganta. The two incognito Suicide Squaddies were having a little time off to go enjoy the sights.

Bizarro peered over the side and watched the water thrashing down below.

'Better be careful there, B.' Giganta warned her friend. 'You don't wanna fall over the side.'

'Bizarro am not get hurt by falling.' The imperfect clone of Superman reminded his friend. 'Bizarro am weakest there aren't!'

'Just, be careful, okay?' Giganta asked. 'We don't want our cover to get blown. We're supposed to be in disguise, remember?'

'Bizarro not remember.' Bizarro nodded. 'Bizarro not be careful.'

'You wanna grab a hotdog, or something?' Giganta offered, indicating a hotdog vendor.

'Bizarro hungry.' Bizarro shook his head. 'Bizarro not eat before coming out.'

'Okay.' Giganta nodded. 'I'll just be a second, okay?'

Bizarro watched as Giganta started to walk over to the hotdog vendor.

'_My baby!_'

Bizarro spun around at the sound of a woman's scream.

'Somebody save him, please!' The woman begged. 'He fell over the side!'

'Bizarro am here to ruin day!' The imperfect clone announced as he threw his trenchcoat from around his shoulders. 'Bizarro not save child!'

The crowd of tourists watched in amazement as Bizarro leapt over the edge of the dam and plummeted down to the water below.

'Bizarro am not here to save you!' Bizarro told the little boy as he grabbed him by the collar. 'You am not safe now!'

'You're not Superman.' The boy blinked in confusion as he looked up at Bizarro's chalk-white face.

'What, you am not expecting somebody else?' Bizarro smirked as he flew back up to the top of the dam, carrying the little boy to safety.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Meanwhile, back in Vegas, two women were walking along by The Strip. One was blonde, the other redheaded. The blonde held two leashes with giggling hyenas on the other end. Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy were taking the hyenas for a walk.

'Ahh, you can't get better than this, can ya, Red?' Harley grinned happily. 'Takin' a nighttime stroll through Vegas without gettin' scared of bein' chased off by that stupid Batman.'

'It's alright.' Ivy shrugged.

Harley stopped walking and tugged on Bud and Lou's leashes.

'C'mon, Babies. Sit.'

The two hyenas did as they were told and sat down on the sidewalk.

'What's the matter, Red?' Harley looked towards her friend with a concerned frown. 'Ain't ya havin' fun?'

'It's not that...' Ivy sighed slightly. 'It's just... A lot of things have been on my mind lately.'

'Well, I'm ya bestest friend in the whole wide world.' Harley pointed out. 'So why don't ya tell me what's eatin' ya? '

Harley's face brightened up as she was hit with an idea.

'Ooh! Ooh! You got a crush on somebody, don't ya?'

'Maybe...' Ivy answered coyly.

Harley clapped her hands excitedly.

'Who is it! Who is it? You gotta tell me! Oh, God... it isn't Boomer-Butt, is it?'

'Digger Harkness?' Ivy snorted in derision, her nose scrunched up in disgust. '_Please! _I like to think that I've got better taste.'

'Well, which guy have ya got a crush on?' Harley asked. 'C'mon, you can tell me. I won't blab. Girl Scout's honour!'

'Actually, it isn't a guy at all...' Ivy admitted sheepishly.

'If you ain't got a crush on a guy, then who have ya got a crush on?' Harley frowned in confusion. Then it dawned on her. 'Unless... Oh. Oh. _Ohhh..._'

Ivy looked down at her feet, more than a little embarrassed.

'Hey, bein' that way inclined ain't nothin to be ashamed of, Red.' Harley comforted her friend.

Harley put her arms around Ivy's waist and pulled her close into a hug.

'There, there. Let Harley make it all better...'

Ivy laid her head on Harley's shoulder and closed her eyes with a blissful smile.

'Love you, Harley...'

Harley's big smile faded away as he mouth formed a small surprised 'O' shape.

'...Say what?'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Downtime- Part 2**

_Say what? Ivy loves Harley? Does Harley feel the same way? Tune in next time to find out. Plus: Killer Frost and Elvis! Parademon and Ragdoll go gambling! Cheshire has a baby!_


	15. Downtime: Part 2

**Uncanny Suicide Squad**

**Chapter 15: Downtime- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to DC._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_Ha! And here you thought I was just another bubble-headed-blonde-bimbo! Well the joke's on you, I'm not even a real blonde!'- _**Harley Quinn (Batman: The Animated Series- Harlequinade)**

* * *

**The Las Vegas Strip-**

Harley Quinn stared at her companion for a moment. Did she just hear Ivy correctly, or were her ears playing tricks on her.

'Harley, are you okay...?' Ivy blinked in concern. 'Please, say something...'

Harley snapped out of her stupor and shook her head.

'I...I'm...I'm sorry, Ivy.' The blonde ex-psychologist sighed. 'This... this is just a lot to take in.' The incognito former villainess ran a hand through her hair. 'This ain't a spur of the moment thing, is it? You ain't decided that you loved me just now, have you?'

Ivy shook her head in response.

'How long have you felt this way?' Harley blinked. 'I've known you for a while, and I've never noticed anything...although it would explain why you hated Mistah J so much.'

'A long time, Harley.' Ivy admitted, somewhat sheepishly. 'I know, I should've said something sooner. Now you think that I'm a freak. God, sometimes I should learn to shut my mouth... It was just...I was afraid of how you would react. I wasn't even sure if you swung that way, and I wasn't sure how to ask if you did without sounding like...I dunno...'

'And I thought I was supposed to be the one that babbles.' Harley chuckled as Ivy's head drooped. 'I'd be wrong if I said that this didn't surprise me... but I ain't saying that it's out of the question.'

Ivy's sullen attitude started to brighten up at the news.

'You're a real pretty chick, Red.' Harley admitted. 'But let's just take this slowly, 'kay? It's a big bombshell to drop on a gal all of a sudden.'

'Sorry about that.' Ivy scratched the back of her head in embarrassment. 'I kinda just blurted it out, didn't I?'

'Uh-huh.' Harley nodded. 'I thought you were supposed to be some kinda doctor.'

'Didn't you used to be a psychologist?' Ivy countered.

'Touché, Red.' Harley laughed. 'Now, c'mon, there's still shops that we ain't been to.'

'Those new shoes aren't going to buy themselves.' Ivy smiled in agreement.

Harley linked her arm with Ivy's and with a gentle pull on their leads, lead Bud and Lou onwards on their search for many pretty things.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Killer Frost was making her way back home. The Suicide Squad's resident ice-wielder had decided to take in one of Las Vegas's many shows. Her show of choice was an Elvis impersonator. Unlike most people that chose to impersonate the King, this guy was pretty darned good. His resemblance to Mr Presley was uncanny. If it weren't for the fact that Elvis was no longer amongst the living, then Killer Frost could have sworn that the guy that she had just seen on stage was the real deal.

'Hey, you got a light?'

Killer Frost turned to see who had just addressed her.

'Sorry, I don't smoke.' Killer Frost apologised.

'Then perhaps you'd settle on giving us alla your money!' Another man smirked as he walked out of a nearby alley to join the first guy. Two more guys stepped out fo the shadows, both brandishing knives. The psychotic woman blinked at their weapons. Were these guys playing a prank?

'You call that a knife?' An unimpressed Killer Frost frowned, nodding towards one of the guys with a knife. 'I'll show you a knife...'

Killer Frost held out her hand. The quartet of thugs watched as a rather large and fearsome-looking ice knife slowly began to form in her hand.

'You guys really have no idea who I am do, you?' The cryokinetic smirked as she juggled her newly-formed knife from one hand to the other.

The four thugs, realised that they were facing no mere damsel in distress, started to back away.

'H-hey... we don't want no trouble...' The lead guy held up his hands.

'Oh, don't go yet.' Killer Frost pouted. 'Don't you guys wanna stay and play?'

Killer Frost soon had her answer as the four thugs started to run away. She just stood there and watched the thugs run for their lives. Once she was sure that the thugs had gotten far enough away, the ice-wielder held out her hands and formed blocks of ice around the thugs' feet. All four men tumbled to the ground.

'Now, usually I'd have a little fun of my own while I wait for the cops to arrive.' Killer Frost snickered as she stepped up next to one of the fallen thugs. 'But I'm trying to be a good girl nowadays, so I'll just leave you here in the middle of the road. If you're lucky, you won't get run over by a bus.'

'You're a freaking psycho!' The lead thug spat.

Killer Frost just leered down at the guy.

'You say that like it's a bad thing.'

* * *

**Elsewhere again-**

A crowd of people ran screaming out of one of Las Vegas's many casinos. This particular casino had two extra-special guests. These two were the only guests left in the place, actually. they were Ragdoll and Parademon, two of the Suicide Squad's newest recruits.

The appearance of the two had caused quite a stir, hence the mass exodus.

Ragdoll adjusted his rather nice tuxedo as he sat down beside a roulette wheel.

'What do you say we play a little game of roulette, Parademon?' Ragdoll asked his friend.

'Is that the game where foolish humans load a bullet into a gun and spin the chamber, hoping not to end up with the loaded chamber and blow out their brains?' Parademon asked.

'That is _Russian_ roulette, my friend.' Ragdoll pointed out. 'This version of roulette is far less deadly.'

'Oh.' Parademon's head fell slightly. 'Then this game will have to suffice. Tell me, does one play this game with the skulls of our enemies?'

'No, we play this with money, just like everything else here.' Ragdoll explained.

Parademon frowned at that.

'Your games are sorely lacking in bloodshed.'

'Then remind me to introduce you to pin the carving knife on the superhero.' Ragdoll smirked as he sifted through his betting chips. 'You'll like that one.'

Parademon looked down at his friend's plastic discs.

'Oh. I don't have any of those small discs.' Parademon frowned. 'How can I win money if I have no money to start with?'

Parademon turned around and noticed some slot machines nearby.

'Ah, I have an idea...'

Ragdoll held his head in his hands. He couldn't bear to look.

'I am terribly sorry about my friend.' Ragdoll apologised to the cowering croupier as Parademon tore one of the slot machines from the wall, thousands of quarters cascading around his feet. 'He's new.'

* * *

**Back at HQ, the next morning-**

Everybody had arrived home from their various excursions. Captain Boomerang had even managed to sober himself up. His estranged wife, the Golden Glider, most probably had something to do with that. Parademon had his arms around a large pile of quarters, his winnings from the night before. Harley and Ivy were sitting beside each other, as always. But this time there was something different about the pair. They almost seemed... closer. Bizarro, Giganta, Killer Frost, and Ragdoll had all taken their respective seats around the meeting table. Cheshire was sitting beside her beloved Deadshot.

The red-and-silver-clad gun-for-hire stood up to address the team.

'First off, I'd like to welcome Golden Glider to the team...' Deadshot began, indicating the young woman sitting beside Captain Boomerang with a wave of his hand. The blonde woman waved in greeting. 'I'm sure that she'll become an invaluable addition to our te...'

'Ahh!'

Deadshot stopped what he was saying as Cheshire hissed in pain and put a hand on her belly.

'Chesh, what is it?' The Magnum-toting mercenary asked concernedly.

'It's the baby, Floyd...' Cheshire gritted her teeth through the pain. 'It's coming...'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Cheshire Has a Baby**

_Exactly what it says on the tin. Cheshire has a baby, duh!_


End file.
